


Midna Failed the Vibe Check Because She Fell in Love

by ObakeAri



Series: Courage to Love [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Bisexual Midna, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, I don't want to put in any porn tags because that's not at all a focal point, Idiots in Love, In which Link ends up in the Twilight Realm for fairly permanent reasons, In which Midna's had a boner for almost 80 years, Intimacy, Let it be gay, Love Confessions, Married Couple, Mutual Pining, Second Chances, Wolf Link (Legend of Zelda), and they get a second chance at this whole dating thing, but it gets saucy sometimes, debated on whether tagging this for BOTW assuming there are tie-ins, maybe some smut?, probably some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23417113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObakeAri/pseuds/ObakeAri
Summary: Pining for a Light Dweller for almost 80 years is definitely not a vibe and Midna's ready to be over it.Unfortunately for her, Link is harder to get over if he shows up on her doorstep in the Twilight Realm.
Relationships: Link & Midna (Legend of Zelda), Link/Midna (Legend of Zelda)
Series: Courage to Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/747291
Comments: 68
Kudos: 135





	1. Don't Wish Upon a Star

**Author's Note:**

> I've been worried that writing Sidlink in 2020 was outdated so I did what every useless bisexual does and dated myself further with a pining Midlink fic.

75 Years after her now famous encounter with the Hero of Light, Midna still found herself reminiscing a little too much about that time. 

The children of her world grew up hearing about how unprecedented the tragedy that befell them was. As queen, it was her responsibility to take the weight of their suffering under Zant’s temporary rule seriously. And yet…

Midna found herself bitching about how frustratingly handsome the Hero was - had been - on more than one occasion. The only thing more frustrating than her nearly 8 decade old boner for the guy who spent half the time running around as a dog was the inevitable reaction her best friend of almost 10 decades gave. 

“Haaa!” Bahltreese wheezed, smacking her hands against the table and nearly spilling her beer in the process. “You’re still on that!?”

“Oh can it, Bahl,” Midna snarked back, wanting desperately to get on her friend’s level. But _no_ , she was the _queen_ and the _queen_ had to have _dignity_ . Please, Midna threw her dignity out the window when Zant transformed her into an imp. And at a time when she took even _more_ pride in being a tall bisexual babe than she did now that she was slightly more mature, too. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Bahltreese snickered, holding her sides. Midna groaned, eyeing the way her friend’s undercut was already starting to grow out. Like many of the commoner Twili, Bahltreese almost resembled what the people of the light would have considered demons. Poking out from tufts of light orange hair that hung in front of her face were small silver horns. Whipping behind her was a thin black tail that served relatively little purpose save for carrying grocery bags and other small items like an extra appendage. Like all Twili, however, Bahltreese had a mixture of black patches along her body - predominantly the striping that lined her traps and spine and her left foot - and an otherwise pale blue complexion. Honestly, had it not been for Midna’s lack of horns, a tail, and sharp features, the duo could have probably passed as sisters. 

And like sisters, Midna was getting very tired of Bahl’s teasing. “You’re not sorry,” she noted. 

“You’re right, I’m not!” Bahl erupted into another fit of giggles all over again. “It’s just--”

“That I fell in love with a dog?” Midna raised an eyebrow. 

“LIKE A FUCKIN’ FURRY!” Bahltreese cackled and fell out of her chair, catching the gaze of a few people in the pub they now sat in. Midna sank further into her chair. She might have shed the royal garb for the day to go out in town and run some errands and, well, _enjoy_ her day off, but if Bahl kept smacking her hands on the table and laughing at her misfortune, people would start recognizing Midna sooner rather than later. 

“I’m too sober for this,” was all Midna could bemoan. 

When they left the bar, Midna was still in a sour mood. Not even the nice weather or the orange hues of the day could lift her spirits. 

“Oh, come on, Mids,” Bahltreese placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and flashed an apologetic grin, “I was only teasing.”

“I know,” Midna rolled her eyes, “But could ya lay off the furry jokes? For once? At least when we’re in public?”

“I’m sorry!” Bahltreese apologized again, giggles still bubbling out of her. “You’re right - gotta lay off now that you’re Miss Her Royal Highness the Queen. Damn, it was so much easier to get away with dumb shit before you were coronated.”

“Right?” Midna threw her hands in the air in frustration, “It’s like...I had _been_ running the place since before Zant fucking imped me. But now you throw a title on it and it’s like ‘ _ohhh Her Highness is so proper! Queens are proper and have manners!_ ’”

Bahltreese stuck her tongue out in disgust, paused in front of the convenience store, then offered, “I’m buying you a bottle of something. What do you want?”

“Greasy food,” Midna quipped. “And chocolate. You know, something that’ll really get the love handles going.”

“That shit doesn’t come in a bottle and your metabolism is too high to allow that,” Bahl retorted, “Pitch me something more liquidy and boozy.”

“Something that’ll help me drink my feelings away so I’m so hungover and angry I can stave off the next depressive pining episode for ten years.”

“I’m on it!” 

As much as Midna’s advisors chided her for refusing to act like a “Proper Lady”, Midna’s people seemed to prefer having a Queen who was actively out in the community, honest, and just a _person_ as compared to her late parents. She loved her mom and dad, she really did but...they had always been so _distant_ and obsessed with portraying the constant impression that they had their shit completely together even when they didn’t. While it worked for them, sometimes Midna wondered if the pressure he put on himself was what ultimately led to her father’s poor health. Plus it just felt better to look her subjects in the face sometimes and be honest by saying, “I don’t know, I’ll have to check on that.”

That, and, Midna definitely noticed how honest and upfront her people were with _her_ now that she had long since threw away formalities and acted like herself. There was none of this frantic insistence that “everything was fine, your Highness!” even when it wasn’t. If someone was pissed at her and wanted to tell her exactly what they thought of how she handled something, she’d rather them do that because then she knew how to fix the issue. 

So yeah, she got cussed out a lot more than her parents or grandparents ever did (and in the royal chambers, no less), but she got shit done and she could proudly say that the Twili had entered an age of prosperity unlike any other. Technology boomed at a rate faster than they had ever seen, people could live off of their wages, and children growing up in Bahltreese’s old neighborhood weren’t going hungry like she once had. 

The only thing Midna hadn’t accomplished in her near century of leadership was...well...the newest thing on her advisors’ list to nag her on and the very reason _Link_ of all people became her latest source of meloncholy: popping out a baby. 

They phrased it more delicately, obviously and tried to play at an angle that they were curious about the queen’s love life and had hoped she could find a companion to spend her free time with. But Midna knew that just meant fuckin’. Honestly, they wouldn’t have complained if she found a Fuck Buddy for the sake of them ‘accidentally’ knocking her up. Twili might’ve aged slower than the people of the Light, but they still had biological clocks and apparently everyone and their mother was concerned about how quickly Midna’s was ticking. 

Even so...babies were so...squishy. And needy. And Midna wouldn’t be able to drink coffee blacker than her soul or _alcohol_ when she and Bahltreese had a mutual day or weekend off if she were pregnant. She’d sooner rather find an angsty teen at an orphanage, put a crown on their head and say, “Congrats your rich, you just gotta run this kingdom after I’m dead.”

Actually...Midna _had_ thought about just adopting more often than not. She could bypass the gross projectile pooping stages and toddler tantrums and just have a mini shitstorm to raise! The only issue would be... _convincing_ her hypothetical mini shitstorm to _want_ to assume the throne after she kicked it. 

And Midna did not know many teens from her previous orphanage excursions that wanted that level of responsibility. 

In fact, the closest she ever got to fostering ended up in the kid turning _her_ down because they didn’t want to end up as royalty. 

Midna found herself pouting into her own personal bottle of wine that evening when her and Bahl’s other friend Izra came in with the greasiest, cheesiest, nastiest looking takeout food they could find and honestly Midna couldn’t have been more grateful.

“Is she still pouting about the Furry thing?” was the first thing Izra asked when they walked in, closing the door behind them with their tail. 

Midna glared up at them and seriously contemplated just cutting the mullet off their head while they slept (no seriously, Izra walked into the hair salon one day and told the stylist they “wanted a mohawk, but make it a mullet” and let the woman whack off their long, beautiful silver hair). Sensing her fowl mood, Izra course corrected and tried to lighten the mood with a smile, “I know he’s fully a person he just got transformed when Zant cursed Hyrule.”

“Uh-huh,” Midna grunted, unamused. 

“If anything, I’m more surprised that you didn’t fall that hard for the _princess_ ,” Izra mused with a playful smile and Midna could only smack them in the arm out of frustration. 

“Zelda was hot, okay!” Midna snapped back, “Sue me!” 

“I know, that’s why I’m so surprised you’re not pining for _her_ ,” Izra teased further, their playful smile accentuating the black lines running along their cheeks. “Normally men aren’t your type.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Midna rolled her eyes, “I’m pissed too.”

“Did you at least fuck him?” Bahltreese asked and Midna could only give her a look that told her she knew the answer. 

“Do you _seriously_ think I wouldn’t have told you if I had fucked him?” Midna retorted, “Hell, if anything, fucking him would have gotten this out of my system _long ago!_ ”

“Well,” Izra scooched forward hesitantly, “Do you think there’s anything that could help you get him off your mind?”

“It’s been 75 years, Izra, I think I would’ve forgotten him by this point if I could,” Midna leaned back further and slid against the floor in the process. 

“On the plus side, you probably wouldn’t want to even look at him by this point,” Bahltreese mentioned, as if that helped. 

Still, Midna had nothing to lose by humoring her, “Why’s that?”

“Because if our knowledge of the Light is correct, then he’d be super old and wrinkly by this point,” Bahltreese explained, “He’d be a shriveled raisin!”

“Ew,” Izra cringed, “Why is that?”

“I dunno, something that has to do with entirely too much sunlight oxidizing their cells and a lack of usable magic in the environment,” Bahltreese shrugged.

“Yeah and they don’t live nearly as long as we do and they get all crusty and gross looking when they’re still otherwise _healthy_ ,” Midna scrunched her nose in disgust as she thought back to her brief time in Hyrule. She couldn’t even imagine Link getting old or arthritic or--oh _Goddesses_. 

“Yeah it’s a really good thing you don’t have to see that, Midna,” Izra assured, placing a muscular arm around her shoulders and flashing a toothy grin. She didn’t really want to hear it but if she wanted the conversation to turn towards anything but her lack of a love life she knew she had to pretend to shrug the crushing loneliness off. Izra and Bahltreese were two of her best friends and had been with her through everything - from sneaking out of the palace and keeping her commonfolk friends a secret to mourning her parents’ deaths through Zant’s uprising and beyond. Even now as the queen, they kept her grounded and they always stood by her side no matter what. They had nothing but the best intentions for her, she knew that. It hurt them to see her miserable and pining for a love long lost, she knew, that was why she tried to keep those feelings close. 

And it was absolutely infuriating that they were bleeding out of her now, of all times. 

Midna lied awake that night until she couldn’t sit still anymore and then she stepped outside to get some fresh air. Blowing her long hair out of her face, Midna couldn’t help but glance at her reflection in the small pond at her feet and scoff. She should’ve never destroyed that mirror. She knew at the time that would be the best thing she could ever do for her people, and without the continued disruption of banished prisoners of Light, she knew they were grateful. She should’ve been relieved. But she was selfish and she absolutely hated herself for doing it. 

Midna sat down on the cool stone of the bridge she now found herself at and hugged her knees to her chest. She didn’t need him to return her feelings, she never did. She just wished she had had the balls to tell him about that budding crush on him years ago. Now that it had inflated to much more, she _really_ wished she could just talk to him. If only one more time. 

As if the Goddesses knew she had a wish in her heart, a shooting star split the black of night with streaks of gold. Midna could only groan. 

“Ugh, fine,” Midna said to herself, trying hard not to think about the fact that she was making like a child and wishing on a shooting star: “I just want to see him one more time. Tell him I miss him...that I never forgot him.”

Midna didn’t think much about her wish after that as she headed to bed, but fate was not on her side as far as the sleep department went for the next thing she knew, the ground was shaking and another glance out her window gave way to the horrible orange and green hues of a banished Light Dweller tinting the clouds that now billowed in the sky.

“What?” Midna guffawed, rubbing her eyes to make sure she was seeing things right. Such explosions hadn’t happened in decades. They couldn’t happen! She destroyed the mirror! 

“Your Highness!” One of the guards called to her, looking as confused and panicked as she felt. “There was an explosion to the East of the city--”

“I know I can see it,” Midna said firmly, already opening a portal. “You two come with me to apprehend the criminal before this gets out of hand.”

They reached the crash site within minutes and Midna was almost relieved that the Light Dweller hadn’t fully phased through into the Twilight Realm before they arrived, their form still flickering within their own shadow as light from their old home surrounded them. Midna drew her staff, prepared for this being to come out fighting and she didn’t even bother to question _how_ it got here. Not now, not yet. 

But then something happened that Midna had never seen before. 

It was a split second, but Midna could’ve sworn she saw the Light Dweller’s form shift for a second and transform into a wolf. 

Feeling her heart nearly jump out of her chest, Midna’s composure almost broke as she called out, “Who are you! How did you get here, Light Dweller?” 

With a sudden gasp for air, the Light Dweller fell to his knees and out of his own shadow, _Link_ collapsed to the ground, unconscious. 

Midna froze for several beats as her guards quickly ran up to the man to cuff his hands and apprehend him before he could wake up, but it wasn’t until Link let out a moan of agony that Midna broke from her chance. “Wait! I know him!” 

“But your Highness!” one guard protested, “He’s a Light Dweller!”

“He’s among the two who saved our realm,” Midna stated firmly, “Release him.”

“But--”

“Release him!” Midna ordered again, “And bring him to the infirmary. We can interrogate him on how he got here once he wakes up but I promise you that he will bring no harm upon us.”

The guards hesitated, but they did as they were told and lifted Link into their arms so Midna could open a portal and bring him home. Once at the infirmary, Midna found herself falling into a similar trance while the doctors treated Link. Like most Light Dwellers who were forced into the Twilight, he had become feverish and broken out into a sweat in his sleep. Midna sat by him, not sure what else to do, and took in his features for the first time in decades. 

She couldn’t believe it; he looked the _same_ . Sure, he was older; his features were sharper and he circles under his eyes had become more defined. Midna could even see strands of gray in his dirty blonde hair. But he was still _Link_ , no sign of wrinkles or crustiness to be found. Except maybe a soft bundle of lines gathered by his eyes from when he smiled. 

When he finally opened his eyes, Midna found herself lost in that sea of blue all over again. 

Oh _fuck_ , this would be bad.


	2. Bring it Around Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link wakes up from his nap and Midna tries to act normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write Midna's POV and she gets frustrated I just think of the Vibe Check tiktoks.

Link was still out cold the next day when Izra was busting down doors to see the Light Dweller who broke into the Twilight Realm. To be fair, they were more concerned about checking on Midna herself than seeing a Light Dweller, but they still had ruffled many Aristocratic feathers in the process. 

“Master Izra!” Midna’s top advisor, Nobu, huffed, “Her Highness is extremely busy today and while you may have special clearance to royal grounds you are still a subject of the Queen and must _request an appointment_!” 

“Sorry, Nobu,” Izra brushed off, hunching forward nervously even though they absolutely towered over Nobu’s portly form. 

“It’s fine, Izra,” Midna brushed the elder off as politely as she could, “I’m in between meetings anyway.”

Nobu huffed and protested Midna’s nonchalance about Izra’s “obvious display of disrespect to the monarchy” and it was all she could do to keep from calling him out on his prejudice. While MIdna’s generation and younger were generally more open-minded, it was still... _very difficult_ to get the Twili to completely shed their millennia old prejudice and desire to segregate the castes like in the old days. The story of their people’s history that was passed down for generations suggested that the Commonfolk were the leaders of the Original Tribe who upset the goddesses the most and as such were punished more severely than other Twili. The argument had long been that the story was meant to explain why Commonfolk had a more demonic or animalistic appearance than other Twili as compared to the short and round aristocrats or nearly Hylian-looking royals. Midna grew up learning that the more a Twili resembled their cousins in the Light, the more favored by the Gods they were. In order to keep favor with the Gods, they mustn’t associate with any Commonfolk. 

Of course...that was all blown out of the water when Midna’s Uncle - the ruler before her mother - was dethroned for having an illegitimate child with a Commonfolk woman. The resulting child had been none other than Zant, and there was a time that Midna sympathized with him and his burning anger towards the Royals. He was scorned from the day he was born and his existence was punished by training him for a Throne the Aristocrats would never allow him to assume. 

Now though...Midna could only think of Zant with heartbreak and betrayal and it filled her with a burning rage that her advisors still blamed Zant for her friendship with Bahltreese and Izra. It was bullshit; Zant might have been the reason Midna met them in the first place, but it was because Midna _liked_ them and they were decent fucking people that she became friends with them. 

To only prove Midna’s point, Izra brushed off the heinous remarks directed towards them with a smile and ended up being the one to calm _Midna_ down. 

“Hey now,” Izra insisted, “It’s okay. You know they don’t know better.”

“Well, they could,” Midna snarked back, “There’s a difference between being ignorant because they don’t know and being ignorant because they refuse to understand.”

“Yes,” Izra agreed, looping Midna’s arm around theirs, “But you do everything you can to educate them and that’s what’s important to me!” 

Izra’s smile was easily too pure for this world and Midna could only relent with a sigh as she led them to the infirmary. Midna wasn’t sure what Izra’s reaction would be when they saw him, but she was definitely surprised that they were instantly swooning over his biceps. 

“Oh,” Izra’s yellow eyes were glittering with excitement as they approached the bed, “I can see why you like him so much.”

“Izra,” Midna smacked her hand to her face, “He’s unconscious.”

“Yeah, and he’s handsome,” Izra noted, paused, then asked, “When do you think he’ll wake up?”

“I’m not sure,” Midna sighed, sitting down in the chair by has bed that she had occupied all night, “Usually Light Dwellers pass out _after_ they’ve thrown a fit and made a mess of everything.”

“It’s strange,” Izra’s brow furrowed a little bit, their tail whipping curiously behind them, “From what Bahl said, I thought he would’ve been...older looking?”

“Oh he’s definitely older than when I last saw him,” Midna noted, resisting the urge to run her hand through the small patch of dulling hair by his ear. “Just not the raisins I saw when I was with him.”

“What do you think happened?” Izra asked. 

“I wish I knew,” Midna groaned, “But the only way to find out is to ask him.”

Izra frowned pensively at that but was quick to change topics when they caught the worried gleam that must’ve been in Midna’s eyes. So they sat and visited and Izra stayed with Link so Midna could finish her afternoon meetings. When she returned, Izra was reading a book, humming to themself and Link was still asleep. 

“Anything?” Midna asked and Izra could only shake their head and give Midna her chair back. And they stayed with her. And when Bahltreese was off work she stormed into the small infirmary room at the behest of several aristocratic nurses now insisting that “The Queen needed her space”. So Midna shooed them off and before she knew it the trio was laughing at dumb slapstick jokes Bahl was reading off and Midna hadn’t even realized she was holding Link’s hand until she felt strong, calloused fingers clasp around hers. 

Midna jumped and looked down. Link’s previously blank expression had contorted into...discomfort? It had been so long since Midna had to read his barely registerable expressions, but before she could think further on it, he was gasping again and sitting up in a panic. 

“WHERE--!” Link cried out, reaching forward ahead of him. He paused, disoriented, and looked around frantically, “Where am I!?”

“Link!” Midna reached for him as his head whipped around to look at her. For a moment, her heart fell. He didn’t recognize her. “Link, it’s me.”

Link’s eyes flickered vacantly for a moment and nearly shattered Midna’s hopes and dreams in the process. But just to pull at her heartstrings more, his eyes suddenly sparkled with a recognition as he asked: “M-Midna?”

“Hi, that’s me,” Midna swallowed dumbly and suddenly Bahl was ducking her entire face under the bed with shaking shoulders as Izra elbowed her. 

“What are you doing here?” Link asked, only growing more confused, more panicked. “ _Where_ is ‘here’ anyway?”

“You’re in the Twilight Realm,” Midna explained, waving her hand hesitantly. She wanted to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but she didn’t know if it would be accepted or swatted away. “Link--how did you get here?”

Link paled and looked up at her with a similar anxiety that had settled in her stomach. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“I--” Midna’s narrowed her gaze, “You mean you don’t remember?”

“No!” Link insisted, “The last thing I remember was being at my house in Ordon Village--Colin was there and his kids and--I fell asleep and when I woke up I was here.”

“You,” Midna tilted her head to the side, confused, “You fell asleep.”

“Yes.”

“And then you got here?”

“Yes!”

“No mirror fragments or anything?”

“Midna, no one has been able to gain access to the mirror _or_ any fragment since you shattered it,” Link explained. “Trust me, Midna, the Princess tried to conduct research on the mirror twenty years ago but had to give up because there is _nothing_ left of it.”

Midna hated to admit that she sighed in relief at his explanation. If the Light Dwellers couldn’t find it, then they couldn’t get here and ruin everything her people had built up since the Tragedy. But that still didn’t explain how _Link_ was here. 

“Link,” Midna finally made up her mind and placed a hand on his shoulder, “We’ll do our best to figure out why you’re here so we can get you home but...I need to know absolutely _everything_ you remember.”

Link seemed to relax under her touch as he thought. With several deep breaths, his expression looked firmer as he thought hard and explained, “I remember...I wasn’t feeling well. Colin’s son brought me some dinner but...I guess I was too tired to answer the door? Then Colin came over because he had my spare key and then...just about everyone from the village came over to pay a visit but then I….”

Link trailed off, his expression firmer as his mouth fell agape. 

Midna couldn’t help but feel a frown form on her face, “Link?”

“Midna I--” Link looked up at Midna with a confusion and anxiety she had never seen before. “I think I died.”

* * *

Despite his previous excursion to the Twilight Realm, Link still looked around the palace like a deer in headlights as he followed Midna closely behind during her tour. 

“...And this is where you can stay,” Midna opened the door to one of the guest rooms closer to her own personal quarters. She could only imagine Link getting completely lost in an attempt to find Midna and ask her a question. “If you need me, I’m just two doors down on the right...if you can’t find me just uhhh...I’ll see about getting you a Twili Tablet for you to just message me. You can ask any of the attendants but their kind of assholes to anyone that doesn’t already work here and I can only imagine how they’ll treat a Light Dweller.”

“Thank you, Midna,” Link was still visibly shaking from his revelation. Honestly, it was all Midna could do to keep her composure too. 

Forcing a smile, she offered, “Do you need anything else? Something to eat? Fresh air? If you want to go around town later, I’d be happy to take you in the morning but--”

“Midna, it’s fine, really,” Link insisted. He sucked in a breath and forced a smile with a brave face Midna had seen so many times in what felt like another life at this point. And for Link, it _had_ been another life. “I think I just need some time to...absorb it all.”

“Of course,” Midna nodded, “Just...promise me you’ll come get me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will--” Link started as he turned towards the mirror in his room and he froze. With wide eyes he marched towards it in a flurry and gasped, “WHAT!?”

“What?!” Midna jumped, rushing to his side. “Link what’s wrong?”

“My _hair!_ ”

“What about your hair!?”

“I _have hair_!” Link gasped, spinning to face Midna with more animation than she had ever seen in her life as he tugged on his blond locks, “Midna there’s hair on my head! And it has color!” 

“I can...see that,” Midna tried looking at anything but the now panicking Hylian in front of her, “Link you--you dumb bitch of course you have hair!”

“I didn’t the last time I looked in the mirror!” 

“ _What_?” Midna cringed, not bothering to hide her scoff. “What happened to it?”

“I went bald when I was _fifty_!” Link whaled, “I haven’t seen hair this thick and luscious on my head in ages!” 

Midna stared at Link as he stared at himself in the mirror, seemingly in awe of his appearance. She liked to tell herself that she wasn’t the vain brat she had been in her twenties when she met Link - plus he had seen her as an Imp and still gave her the time of day - but thinking of Link as a _bald_ , wrinkly, crusty old man was just...she had to swallow a lump in her throat.

“Oh Majora,” Midna cringed unintentionally, but because she had caught Link’s attention she couldn’t keep from asking, “Were you like a raisin too..?”

She kicked herself the moment the question left her mouth and she wouldn’t have blamed Link for shooing her out of his room or scolding her for her rash behavior. To her amazement, however, Link cracked a smile for the first time since he woke up and _laughed._

And for some reason that confused Midna, “W-what?”

“Midna you have no idea!” Link almost whined through his giggles, “Goddesses, I was _crusty_ too!” 

“Ewwww!” Midna broke out giggling before she had even realized it. She wanted to catch herself, try and give a good impression, but that quickly went out the window before she even noticed how the two of them now sat on his bed swapping stories and making playful jabs at each other. 

Strangely, as much as Midna thought about him, she had almost forgotten how easy it was to be around Link and just...be herself. Shit-eating grins and all. 

* * *

If Link thought he felt lost at the changes in technology in Hyrule, he was slack jawed at what he saw when Midna toured him around the city the next day. Honestly, he should have seen this coming when Midna knocked on his door and woke him up just to hand him the sleek black...tablet? that now sat in his pocket. The minute she started showing him how to place a call - that somehow could send a signal to Midna’s tablet? And she could hear him speaking to her from miles away in real-time? - he felt lost. When she started trying to explain how “apps” and “texting” worked Link thought his head would explode. 

He barely figured out how to purchase a train ticket - what was wrong with riding horseback!? Worked for him all his life - back before he...left Hyrule, he didn’t know how he was going to learn all these bells and whistles. 

“Annnnd this over here is probably the best bakery in the city,” Midna pointed to a shop on the other side of the street where a lanky looking Twili was standing outside inviting customers in. The minute he glanced up and saw Midna’s tall frame looking his direction, he broke out into a bright smile and waved at her. 

Actually, the thing that surprised Link more than the tablet (and these...cars? People could drive automated wagons here?) was how _friendly_ everyone was towards him. Aside from the very round staff that occupied the castle and the, dare he say it, bougier areas closest to it, Link was met with nothing but kindness. Sure his darker, less blue-toned, complexion turned several heads and earned sour stares from some of the rounder looking Twili, once they reached the busiest part of the city that now filled with less round Twili and sharper more...diverse Twili, Link was treated like any other person on the street. 

He had also noticed how Midna relaxed once they left the gates that surrounded the Upper Class. In fact, the fewer “Good morning, My Queen!” greetings they received and the more they heard “Hey Midna!” from strangers, the more Midna’s smile grew. 

“Link?” Midna’s voice pulled Link out of his trance and when he looked up at her, her brow was knit with worry.

“Hm?” Link grunted, “Oh! Sorry, I’m just taking in it all. What was that?”

“Alright Space-head,” Midna snickered, placing her hands in her pockets - even the cropped blouse and pants she wore were more colorful and less regal than anything he had seen her in before - and repeated, “I was asking if you wanted to get breakfast at that bakery. My treat.”

“I don’t see why not,” Link shrugged with a grin. As they crossed the street and entered the bakery, Link watched as Midna immediately tipped the greeter and spent a solid five minutes just chatting with him about his day, his kids, and his husband who was apparently the co-owner and lead pastry chef. When they finally sat down at a booth, Link couldn’t help but note, “I’m gonna have to figure out a way to pay you back.”

“What?” Midna flashed a lopsided grin that he hated to admit he missed dearly, “I’m fucking rich, Link, don’t worry about it.”

“Yeah but--” Link grimaced but figured she had a point. Instead, he huffed and added, “I still need to figure out a way to make money...assuming that I’m stuck here long-term.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Midna teased, nonchalantly pulling her long red hair back into a messy bun as she spoke. “But before you insist on getting a job somewhere, why don’t we just figure out whether or not this will be a permanent thing? It would suck if you waste your vacation time trying to make money when you’re in cahoots with the queen only to find out later that you didn’t even need to do that.”

“I suppose you have a point,” Link slumped in the booth and was amazed that his back didn’t even protest. When was the last time he didn’t have back pain? Hell, he couldn’t remember. Ahhh, it was nice to be young again. But still, he couldn’t help but wonder: “Do you...do you think it’s possible for me to go back?”

“To Hyrule?” Midna lifted her chin out of her hand with a frown. “I...don’t know. There’s no real portal back now but...do you want to?”

“Want to what?”

“Go back?” Midna asked curiously, though Link could’ve sworn he saw a flicker of sadness in her gaze.

“I….” Link looked down at his hands and had to think for a moment. He had left everything he knew behind without meaning to. Ordon Village was his _home_. Colin and his family had become Link’s family by that point and yet… 

Ilia was gone. 

Link felt his frown deepen and he wondered if he would actually get to see her again. They had never had children of their own when they were married. They had wanted to, desperately, but for some reason Ilia was just never able to get pregnant. Eventually they were okay with that, for the sounds of children coming in and out of their home in the village became just as common for the children of the village loved visiting the village aunt and uncle. They could only laugh when the kids started calling them the village grandma and grandpa. 

For a little while, Link had a harder time keeping the laughter up when there was only the village grandpa left.

“Link?” Midna pressed again, growing more obviously worried. 

“I don’t know,” Link finally sighed, “I mean...it’s everything that I know and love but if I’m--if I’m _dead_ then--”

Link was surprised when he got choked up when he finally said it out loud. He certainly didn’t _feel_ like he died. But he felt a huge difference in himself compared to when he was in Ordon Village. He thought he was just going to sleep before he woke up here and--

“Link,” Midna reached across the table to squeeze his hand, “We don’t know that.”

“Midna, I’m a hundred years old, it’s a miracle I made it this far,” Link retorted pointedly. “It’s a pretty fair guess to say I’m dead.”

“Well,” Midna rolled her eyes, “ _I’m_ not dead and you look pretty alive to me, that’s all I’m saying. If we wanted to get you home...we can still try.”

“I know,” Link sat back in his seat with a huff, “I just don’t know if it would be worth it, is all.”

“Why not?” Midna asked. 

“Well,” Link sighed, “Everyone I care about back home has either passed on or now older than me, considering I have hair.”

“Hmmm,” Midna pursed her lips into a flat line, eyes spacing out for a moment as she thought. “It’s ultimately up to you so...I won’t push you in one way or another. Would you rather think on it or figure out how to make money?”

“I thought you said you were rich?” Link teased. 

“Well, yeah, obviously,” Midna rolled her eyes as she scoffed, “But the more I think about it the more I realize how obnoxious you’re gonna be if you get too bored.”

Link could only laugh at that, grateful how, after all these years, Midna was still the master of lightening the mood. 

“So how does it feel to be the spryest centurion you’ve ever met?” Midna snorted when they left the bakery. Evidently she wasn’t ready for them to be done with their excursion because suddenly they were _grocery shopping_ when Midna lived in a _palace_. 

“I wouldn't say I’m the spryest,” Link huffed, “Didn’t you say you were older than me?”

“Okay but I don’t count,” Midna rolled her eyes as she pulled two bottles of wine off the shelf. 

“Why? Because you’re a cougar?”

“Shut your mouth, ya damn mutt!” Midna snorted, punching him hard in the arm. By the time they finally left the main square to head home (well...Midna’s home) Link could definitely feel when they crossed into the Aristocratic territory, he definitely understood why Midna felt more relaxed when they were with the commonfolk, and he immediately missed it. If there were still a few suspicious eyes on him when they were in the main plaza, then every single eye there was in this area was on him now. And they did not feel friendly. 

“Your Highness!” One of the attendants greeted rather sharply, glaring at Link the entire time. “Where have you been?”

“I _told you_ I was going to show Link around,” Midna huffed, brushing past the elder, whose mustache took up most of his face. 

“But all day!?”

“It was my day off, Zebel!” Midna snarked as if she were pleading like a child. “If my advising council is going to take it upon themselves to nag me about starting a family, then you can stop questioning your _queen’s_ personal decisions on her day off.”

Zebel looked as if he had a lot more he wanted to say but held his tongue and continued glaring at Link as they moved past him. He held his breath though, because he could tell by her body language alone that Midna was not about to just let it all go. 

And he was right. Turning back to face Zebel, Midna decided to have one more word: “And you can tell the Advisory Council to stop giving the Hero who saved your entire ass the stink eye for me!” 

Link didn’t exhale the breath he had been holding until Midna slammed the door to her personal wing closed and locked it behind her. The entire South Wing of the castle was reserved for Midna’s living space and once inside it resembled a cozy home not too different from how Link had furnished his old house. Honestly, compared to the aesthetic of the rest of the Royal Chambers, but it made home feel a little less distant for Link. 

When she finally collapsed on the couch, Midna pulled on her hair and groaned, “I’m so sorry, Link.”

“What for?” Link asked, sitting down beside her. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, it’s just--” Midna stifled another groan with her pillow, “I’ve been ruling for _eighty years_ and coronated for most of that time. The only reason my advisors still question me is because they get their way slightly less often than they used to.”

Link felt bad for laughing, he really did, especially when he looked up to see that sour look on Midna’s face. “I’m sorry, Midna, I don’t mean to laugh.”

“Uh-huh,” Midna huffed, folding her arms over herself. 

“I mean,” Link scratched at the back of his head, “Just one look at how happy everyone else is under your leadership...I don’t know why they would question it.”

“It’s because they don’t want to leave their ritzy homes for a second to see it,” Midna grumbled and sunk further into the couch. “So they only see what they _aren’t_ getting.”

“Well, that’s bullshit,” was all Link could say and suddenly the two were sunk deep into the pillows of the couch with no way to get out. 

“Did you ever have to deal with that shit?” Midna grumbled, staring out into space as she did so. 

“What do you mean?” Link asked, glancing over at her. Somehow, her hair had gotten even messier in the five minutes they were sitting on the couch. 

“When you were doing your Hero stuff,” Midna clarified. “With Zelda?”

“Oh,” Link huffed, having almost forgotten about a time so long ago. A time he couldn’t forget, actually, but just seemed so far away. “I wasn’t much for the political side of all that.”

“Really?” Midna asked, “Why not?”

“Mmm,” Link hummed in thought, “Probably because I got tired of grown adults throwing a fit whenever they didn’t get their way.”

“Oh you’re telling me,” Midna laughed, and for a while they sat in silence with so much to talk about and no idea where to start. 

If anything, Link wasn’t even sure how to feel about this whole situation. Not yet. 

“Well,” Link finally broke the silence, rising to his feet. “I should uh...probably get some sleep.”

“Oh,” Midna grunted, “Okay. Sounds good.”

“By the way, Midna,” Link couldn’t help but turn back to face her and he felt an odd pang in his chest when he looked into her bright crimson eyes, “Thank you. For today...and everything.”

“Hey, don’t get all gratuitous on me,” Midna chided, “You’re the one who saved my home. Besides, you’re fun to hang out with even when you’re old and crusty and can’t figure out a tablet.”

“There are just so many buttons!” Link defended, immediately derailing. Midna simply cackled. 

“Just go to bed you Old Fart!” she laughed, “It’s past your bedtime!”

Link felt so childish as he stuck his tongue out at her and walked away. 

But still, Midna always had to have one more word: “Link?”

“Yeah?” Link grunted back, amused. 

“I uh,” Midna looked away, her cheeks more flushed than usual, “I know this must be hard on you but...I’m glad I get to see you again.”

The fluttering in Link’s chest was very weird, but not completely unfamiliar. “Yeah,” he smiled, “I’m glad I get to see you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "NOT A VIBE!! NOT A VIBE!!"


	3. It's the Final Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link's married, Midna feels like a homewrecker. Bahltreese tries to be the voice of reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was almost titled "Okay, Boomer" because Link is such an o l d m a n in this fic! 
> 
> I also...okay, if you've read my BOTW fics, you already know that I'm a slut for dumb pining gays and while Midna is dumb, pining, and gay I can promise that the point of this story isn't for her and Link to pine for each other for 37 chapters! If Link wasn't an old, old man by this point maybe. But he knows how to put his big boy pants on and make a move.

When Midna woke up, she was pleasantly surprised to see Link had put together some semblance of a breakfast. She also welcomed the break from eating with other Royals and attendants who worked in the palace and consistently made conversation about the upcoming elections as if she had any pull in how the public voted. 

She separated her legislation from public votes for a reason and yet some of the elders _still_ couldn’t get it. 

Either way, sitting together was so nice and Midna wouldn’t have minded if this continued for the long term, but she still couldn’t take her eyes off the golden band that had been on Link’s left ring finger since he arrived. It was even more obvious when it twinkled in the lighting of the room when he lifted his glass to take a drink of water. 

She wanted to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but curiosity was a bitch and she had to ask, “Hey Link?”

“Yeah?” Link looked up at her curiously. 

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Midna felt her heart in her throat when she asked the question, eyes staring intently at his wedding band.

“Oh,” Link jumped a little as he looked down at his hand, and for a moment his eyes grew so twinkly and warm and he wore a fond expression Midna always wished would be directed towards her. When he looked up at her again, he wore a carefree smile and all but broke her damn heart, “Well, at the surprise of no one, Ilia and I tied the not a while back.”

Midna felt her eye twitch. That was the least surprising thing she had learned since Link appeared in the Twilight Realm. Yet she still felt like her lungs had been ripped out of her chest and it was all she could do to keep her composure and nod along as he told her all about his married life with the love of his life. 

* * *

Bahltreese was ready to throw hands at whoever dared to knock on her door endlessly two hours past her bedtime until she swung it open to see Midna standing there with a puffy, snotty, watery face.

“Midna?” Bahltreese rubbed the sleep and rage out of her eyes, “What are you doing--?”

“I’m a homewrecker,” Midna blurted in that forceful way she did when she had to hold something in for an extended period just to function and do her monarch stuff. 

“You--” Bahltreese furrowed her brow but opened the door wider, “What?”

“He’s married!” Midna blurted again, her voice hiking and her nose sniffling as if a dam were about to blow, “Bahl, I’m in love with a married man and I don’t stand a chance!”

“Midna--Middie it’s okay!”

“Noooo it’s not!” Midna’s sob hitched and her mouth turned downwards and her eyes started bugging out as more tears pooled and threatened to spill out. “Bahl I’m in love with a married man and if I don’t stand a chance I’m a homewrecker encouraging infidelity and adultery!”

Bahltreese was too tired to put all the pieces together but figured it would be insensitive to ask how it mattered that Link was married if he was also _dead_ as far as the Light Dwellers were concerned. Instead she let Midna cry into a tub of chocolate ice cream for about two hours before she asked. 

“Midna,” Bahltreese scratched at her right horn, “You know...you know it might not matter if he’s married now...right?”

“Yes it do-hoooooes!” Midna whaled, shoving more ice cream into her face until her mouth was all but overflowing. “He’s been in love with her for foreverrrr!”

“And she’s probably dead!” 

“IT WAS TRUE LOVE BAHL!” Midna shrieked, melted ice cream drooling down her chin. “I helped him saaaave herrrrr! They were cute togetherrrr!”

“Middie,” Bahl groaned, “It’s gonna be okay.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW!?” Midna was practically throwing a temper tantrum at this point as her entire face leaked with either tears, snot, drool, or ice cream at this point. 

“Because I know _you_ ,” Bahl lectured, unable to stand the gross display of her friend anymore. Grabbing a wash rag, she sat down on the couch beside Midna and tried to wipe her face clean amid protests. “You’re a boss ass bitch who is gonna have a good cry and then move on to better things in your life. That’s what you always do.”

“But I--” Midna sniffled, everything _still_ leaking as her voice hitched up three octaves, “But I really really like hiiiim!” 

“I know you do,” Bahl fought to keep from rolling her eyes, “But one of three things are gonna have to happen: either he uses this situation as an opportunity to move on and shoots his shot with you, or he holds onto his feelings for his probably dead wife for a while and you work on getting over him, _or_ this whole thing fizzles out and you two stay in the friend zone while you get over him.”

Midna stared at Bahl with wide eyes for a second and for a moment Bahl hoped Rational Midna would kick in. But Rational Midna didn’t and instead Lovesick Midna bugged her eyes out again and started whaling, “BUT I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THOSE THREE OPTIONS!”

Bahl was seriously losing her patience, “Why not?”

“Because I’m either Sad or a Fucking Homewrecker!!!”

“Midna if you don’t start calming down and thinking rationally about this I’m going to call Izra,” Bahl threatened, knowing how much Midna _hated_ Izra’s shining, insistent positivity when she was in a bitchy mood. Midna still sobbed uncontrollably but at least tried to pretend she was getting herself under control as she ate through the rest of the tub until a more rational Midna kicked in. 

Ugh, and she was almost there before her tablet suddenly started ringing. When Midna set the ice cream down to reach into her pocket, her eyes were still puffy and she was still sniffling but she was otherwise making normal conversation. One look at the Caller ID, and that all dissolved as she bursted out into horrendous sobs again and held her phone out to Bahltreese. 

Willing to try anything - _anything_ \- to force her to regain composure, Bahltreese used the opportunity to swipe the phone out of Midna’s hand and answer it. 

She honestly thought that hearing Link’s voice would force her to sober up. 

She did _not_ expect Link to be such a dumb bitch.

“Hello?” Bahltreese greeted. She heard a gasp on the phone.

“Midna you sound so different in the voicebox what is this!?”

“The…?” Bahl groaned, “Link, this isn’t Midna. It’s Bahltreese.”

“What?” Link sounded genuinely confused but not for the reasons Bahltreese thought: “How are you the voice in Midna’s phone!?”

“Because Midna’s at my house right now?” Bahltreese added, “We’re uh...having a girl’s night.”

“Well, I know that but how are you the one I’m talking to?” Link asked, completely dumbfounded, “I called Midna’s tablet!”

“I’m the one that answered it, Link,” Bahl was seriously losing her patience. 

“Yeah but I called Midna.”

“You called Midna’s _phone_ ,” Bahl corrected, “But she’s taking a wicked shit right now and left it in my living room so I answered it.”

“But how did you answer it if it’s Midna’s phone?”

“Because I hit the ‘answer’ button, dumbass!” Bahl snapped, wanting to pull her hair out, “Anyway--I’m sorry, Link, what did you need?”

“Well I…” Link trailed off, “I had a question about my tablet actually.”

“What’s that?”

“I was trying to send one of those text things to her to see if she wanted me to pick up anything from the store but I can’t type in letters.”

Bahltreese could feel herself losing brain cells as he spoke, “Why can’t you type the letters?”

“I don’t know! That’s what I wanted to ask!” Link started to sound panicked, “I touch the little white bubble on the text screen like she told me to but then this little gray box that takes up half the damn screen is just filled with smiley faces and I can’t get the letters back!”

“Oh sweet fucking Majora,” Bahltreese pinched her nose, fighting and failing to tune out the fact that Midna had finished her second tub of ice cream and was now sobbing and rocking back and forth in fetal position as she stared out into space with leaking fishbowl eyes. “Link, you’re on the emoji keyboard.”

“What in the hell is an emoji keyboard!?”

“The thing you’re on now,” Bahltreese groaned, “Look, just put me on speaker and I’ll walk you through it.”

“...how do I do that?”

“Look at your phone screen and hit the button that says ‘speaker’.”

“But there are no buttons--”

“The circle that says ‘speaker’, Link.”

Link paused and Bahltreese waited but then instead of hearing his voice on speaker she heard a pinging sound and when she lifted her head off Midna’s phone she saw the ceiling of Midna’s home and part of Link’s hair as he mumbled curse words to himself like the crotchety old man he was. 

“Link,” Bahltreese called out to him, “Link!”

“My screen changed! Hold on!” 

“Link you hit video call instead!” 

“I didn’t hit anything!” 

“You know what--” Bahltreese gave up. For some Hero, he was wholly incompetent when it came to this kind of stuff. Honestly, if they weren’t such prejudice bastards, the elders on Midna’s advisory council would probably get along perfectly with Link and they could bitch about their inability to figure out technology together. “I’ll just ask Midna if she wants you to get anything when she’s out of the bathroom and have her text you and show you how to fix your tablet tomorrow.”

“Alright, alright,” Link huffed, as if he was unsatisfied with her answer. Damn, he really was a grumpy old man sometimes. “Thanks, Bahltreese. Have a good evening and say hi to Mids for me!” 

“Can do,” Bahltreese grunted, and then they hung up as it dawned on her too late that he had called her, “Mids?”

Midna looked up at Bahltreese still leaking but looking more offended than distressed, “Whaaaat!? And Why did you tell him I was taking a shit!?”

“Did you want me to tell him you were sobbing over being a homewrecker?” Bahl raised an eyebrow, “And...nothing. He just called you ‘Mids’ is all.”

Midna seemed unsurprised but she reclined into the couch more and continued sniffling until she eventually fell asleep. 

* * *

Midna was still rubbing at her eyes when she left Bahl’s house early in the morning. She felt bad that she had kept her friend up until almost midnight knowing full well she was a middle school teacher who had to rise at the asscrack of dawn, but she hadn’t known what else to do. That didn’t keep her from apologizing that morning when she got her wits about her and saw how drained Bahl already was but she waved Midna off. 

“I have coffee, it’s a Friday, and you can just buy me dinner sometime this weekend and call it even,” Bahltreese said, then with a giggle added, “Plus I’d rather you have your homewrecker meltdown here instead of in front of your Married Not-Boyfriend.”

Midna grumbled just thinking about Bahl’s last jab but given the state she was in last night she deserved it. As she walked down the street towards home, the world slowly started to wake up and the black and blues of night started to give way to the gentle orange hues of a day shrouded in Twilight. It was peaceful, Midna felt. Seeing her home’s version of a sunrise always managed to put her at ease. 

So at ease that...she hated to admit she let her guard down. 

While the rest of the world tried to wake up, one squirly brat was already up and up to trouble. 

“Owwww!” the kid whaled as he intentionally bumped into her and dropped all his things, “You hit me!” 

“Oh--sorry,” Midna grunted, admittedly too lost in thought to really notice the few people who were out and about. The minute she registered the wild, curly auburn hair and tall, curled horns, Midna immediately regretted apologizing. “Wait--Kid, you’ve pulled this shit on me before I didn’t bump into you.”

“Yes you diiiid!” the kid whined, stamping his foot on the ground as his fluffy tail whipped behind him. “And you made me drop my hot dog!”

Midna looked at the ground where his day old hot dog and trading cards were all over the ground. She helped him pick up the cards before they blew away at least, but still glared up at him to state, “The hot dog stand doesn’t open until school lets out and you know it.”

The brat glared at her for a second, as if he was trying to think about how to get her to believe his obvious lie: “My mom made it!”

“For breakfast?” Midna raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, so you owe me three bucks,” he insisted, back on his hustle as he held out his hand expectantly. He clearly didn’t pay enough attention to adults on the street to register that not only had he pulled this same shit with Midna twice by this point (one of which last night, even, and she was too close to tears to even argue with him when it cost $6.00), but that she was the fucking queen. 

That, or he assumed the queen was a face-blind idiot. 

“I owe you $3.00 for a hot dog that your _mom_ made?”

“Yeah, I was really looking forward to it,” the kid said with a completely straight face. 

“How about this,” Midna rose to her feet as she handed him the trading cards and tossed the hot dog in the trash can, noting the sudden panicked shriek that erupted from the brat. “You stop hustling money off of people you aren’t even taking the time to register if you’ve worked them yet anyway, and I’ll buy you a real breakfast.”

From her past experience, Midna’s past experience with kids who got got like that would relent out of embarrassment but comply with an offer anyway until they warmed up to her. Maybe they were stubborn about it, but they were at least grateful for the fact Midna rarely told authorities or parents on their asses. She had certainly never had a brat spit in her face, call her a “fucking bitch” before sprinting away and climbing up the nearest fire escape to hop away. 

Midna glared in his direction until he disappeared, then glared for a few more minutes before she grumbled the rest of the way home feeling more insulted that the kid thought she was so stupid she wouldn’t catch his hustle a second time than anything else. 

If anything...she should’ve checked where her wallet was when she didn’t feel it in her back pocket with her phone like it had been. 

* * *

Link stared down at his wedding ring intently while he made breakfast, seriously contemplating if it was a good idea to leave it on. 

Of _course_ he wanted to leave it on. Ilia had picked it out specifically for him decades ago when they were married. He wasn’t ready to let it go...he wasn’t ready to let _her_ go. He’d probably never let her go, really. That wouldn’t be fair to her memory. It was just…

He _did_ feel ready to move on. He had been without her for twenty years at this point. And he was lonely. And he…

He had missed Midna _so much_. 

He didn’t know if she returned the sentiment, or to what degree (he had a pretty good idea at least), and it felt like a foolish idea to shoot his shot with the woman he hadn’t seen in ages and also happened to be his only real friend in this strange new world and stranger new life. 

Still though...it felt stupid to just sit on these unresolved feelings when he had a second chance, right? 

At the very least, Ilia would roll over in her grave if he didn’t at least _try_. They had promised each other once, as they got older, that if one of them passed on before the other, the survivor wasn’t allowed to mope around for too long and skip opportunities at happiness with the right person because they couldn’t let go. 

Ilia had been especially insistent with Link once her health started failing her. So much so that she had lecture Colin about making sure her husband didn’t completely check out once she was gone. 

Link groaned to himself...he couldn’t help but wonder how much trouble he would be in that he didn’t so much as go on a _date_ after the fact. In his defense, he was already an old fart by that point and he _would have_ done good on his word had the right person come around. They just didn’t. 

But now...well...if she didn’t mind a crotchety old man trapped in a slightly less than middle-aged body, Link always felt _right_ when he was with Midna. 

...but did the ring weird her out? Was she weirded out that he had married? Was he too old for her? Was it because he didn’t know how to use a tablet? 

When the door swung open and Midna stomped in grumbling, Link swallowed back his burning, anxious questions to let her vent. 

“E-everything okay?” he asked as she stomped around the kitchen. 

“Yeah just some punk brat on the way home trying to hustle me,” Midna glowered, “He got me last night too with the same fucking ruse but didn’t even bother to switch up the charade or remember my face.”

“So...you’re not mad that he hustled you, you’re just mad that he’s bad at it?” Link bit back a smile as he sat down at the table across from her. 

“Yes!” Midna threw her hands up in the air, “And then he spat in my face when I called him out on it!” 

“Oh my goodness,” Link guffawed openly at that. Heavens, if that had been any of the children in Ordon Village he would have-- “Where are his parents?”

“Hell if I know,” Midna slumped forward, “Bahl lives in one of the rougher parts of town near where she teaches and most of her kids have absentee parents or worse.”

“Seriously,” Link felt himself frowning, “That’s so…”

“Depressing?” Midna raised an eyebrow, “I know. Makes me want to throttle some of the parents Bahl tells me about. Like...I get that there are a lot of issues with some communities in poverty still and that affects things...but I’ve met kids like Bahl and Izra who come from the poorest of backgrounds but have parents who still make a point to love them.”

“I get what you mean,” Link leaned his head in his hand, “I didn’t see it as much in Ordon Village, but it would be really hard to spend an extended period of time in the Capital with Zelda and see so many children - and adults! - who didn’t know how to behave properly because their families never taught them.”

“Must’ve made you thankful for your kids,” Midna teased, her smile almost a little sad, “With you and Ilia as their parents they must’ve been the hardest working little angels anyone’s ever met!” 

“Oh,” Link glanced down at his ring, “I...we never actually had kids.”

“What?!” Midna sat up straighter looking genuinely shocked. “Why not!?” 

“We just couldn’t for some reason,” Link shrugged, “I don’t know if it was me or Ilia or both but...we tried, it just didn’t happen.”

“Oh,” Midna’s voice was small and she slumped forward a little bit, looking quite sad, “Link, I’m so sorry--”

“It’s okay,” Link reached across the table instinctively and grabbed hold of her hand and they both looked up at each other in near shock by the gesture. With a fluttering heart, Link let out a breath and sighed, “We were happy together, kids or not. I promise.”

Midna relaxed a little at that and gave a sad smile, “I’m glad, Link. Ilia’s really lucky, you know. She was lucky to have you.”

“You think so?” Link asked nervously. Oh crap, things were steering too far towards his late wife and it would have just been weird and insensitive if he asked her out now. He had to abort. He had to! “I--uh--you know, Midna I thought a lot about what we talked about the other day.”

Midna’s brow furrowed and her face flattened as if she wasn’t sure what he was referring to. 

“The whole…’do I stay here’ thing,” Link clarified and waited for Midna’s moment of clarity before he continued, “I...not to linger too much on the topic but, I don’t have children and Ilia passed away years ago. And I owe it to the people I do call my family to allow them closure if I really _am_ dead...at least in an extremely nontraditional sense. Plus, if I’m being honest with you, Midna, I feel like I’m getting a second chance and...I want to take it.”

Midna’s expression was completely unreadable but there was a distinct flicker in her eye as he spoke. She hesitated, but asked, “Really? What...kind of second chance?”

“A second chance at life,” Link scratched at the back of his head, “A second chance to...see you again. Be with you again…”

“I--” Midna grunted and sat back, her cheeks were suddenly very flushed, “Link, I’m so happy to hear that but--”

She paused and Link felt his confidence start to shatter. He hated that he held on to hope, however, because before Midna could finish her thought, her sweet, elder attendant named Lezela knocked on the door and looked absolutely frantic when she stepped inside. 

“Your Highness,” she greeted, panting, “I hate to interrupt but--”

“Lezela?” Midna spun around in her chair, “What’s wrong?”

“We just received a call from one of the local schools and….it appears a child tried to use your credit card?”

“What?” Midna reared back and Link immediately leapt to his feet and began looking through her jacket. “That’s impossible I have my wallet--”

“No you don’t,” Link grunted, turning the pockets inside out, “Midna, it’s missing.”

“ _How!?_ ” Midna guffawed, swiping the jacket from his hands. “I had it before--”

The two paused and looked at each other as it simultaneously dawned on them: “The kid!” 

“I--yes, Your Highness,” Lezela bowed, “The school confiscated it from the child in question and offered to return it to us or have Miss Bahltreese bring it to you it was just…”

“Just...what?” Midna asked, “Lezela?”

“Well, I thought you would want to be aware that the police have taken the boy in their custody.”

“For a pickpocket!?” Midna reared even more at that and Link found himself recoiling at her outburst. “That’s _insane_!”

“Y-yes, I thought you would find that to be so,” Lezela flinched. “Of course, stealing from the Queen is a much more serious and punishable offense in the eyes of the law, but if you wish to speak with the boy himself or the school about the incident I told them you would be there by noon. Otherwise, they can send your wallet with Miss Bahltreese.”

“Thank you so much, Lezela,” Midna sighed in relief, “I do want to go up to that school and talk with that boy. Are there any important meetings I can’t move today? If there’s a way to clear my schedule so I have the time I would like to do so.”

“Already done, Your Highness,” Lezela smiled softly, “I can show you your updated schedule for next week once you return, if you would like.”

“Lezela!” Midna was beaming as she clapped her arms on the round woman’s shoulders, “You’re amazing and I love you.”

“I am happy to help, Queen Midna,” Lezela smiled back, “There are not many rulers who have been able to reach the people you do.”

The two shared an embrace and Link couldn’t keep from smiling to himself. As irritating as some of the politicians Midna worked with were, there were just as many people like Lezela amongst the Aristocrats who were all the kinder. He was grateful that Midna had been able to surround herself by at least a few people like Lezela in the last seventy-five years. 

“Okay, let’s go, Link,” Midna barked, causing Link to straighten up.

“Go?” Link grunted, “We’re going? I mean--I’m going with you?”

“Yeah,” Midna looked at Link plainly, “Do you not want to come with?”

“No, I can come!” Link jumped, feeling his face heat up, “I would love to come! I mean--I am happy to join you, M’Lady.”

He bowed cheekily, laughing at Midna’s groan. 

“Oh don’t start getting formal with me,” she whined.

“Why not?” Link elbowed as they exited the palace, “Her Royal Highness, Queen Midna doesn’t like to be addressed like a proper lady?”

“Oh you can _stop_!” Midna pushed Link’s face backwards until he nearly fell over while she continued forward. 

“Okay, okay!” Link laughed catching up with her long stride, “Let’s go get your wallet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, whoever has followed my bullshit in the last three years will absolutely lose your fucking minds in the next chapter and idk if it'll be for good or bad reasons. 
> 
> But I'm excited. So. Enjoy!


	4. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midna bails the kid out of jail, then the kid immediately runs away. However, the Universe isn't quite done with them yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Y'all are either gonna love what I did, hate me for doing it, or have no idea what I'm talking about. But I personally have no regurts.

The only time people outside the palace called Midna “Your Majesty”, “My Queen,” or anything related was when something had gone terribly wrong. And in this case, people seemed to think it had. 

“We’re so sorry for this inconvenience, your Highness,” the principal was beside herself, “But I assure you we confiscated the cards before that child could incur any charges on them.”

“It’s fine, really,” Midna insisted, “How...did you figure it out?”

“One of our lunch staff caught it as he was trying to pay for his meal,” the principal explained, “He’s always trying to steal food or use counterfeit to do that and we’ve learned to keep an eye on him.”

Midna nodded along with the principal, trying  _ really hard _ to be respectful to the woman but the entire time she couldn’t shake several questions that crept up in her mind. 

“Why would he even need to steal food?” Link intoned, apparently wondering the same thing, as they left the building. 

“Probably because he doesn’t have actual money,” Midna shrugged, “Bahl had to do the same thing when we were kids.”

Link’s brow furrowed, “But...that’s horrible.”

“I know,” Midna slumped, “Things have gotten better but...there are still people who slip through the cracks these days.”

Link remained silent until they got to the police station where the Chief was waiting anxiously for them. 

“Your Majesty!” he greeted, “I must formally apologize for the behavior of that boy--”

“I got my wallet, it’s fine,” Midna waved off. “Where is he?’

“He’s in a holding cell at the moment,” the Chief explained, “We’ll be able to decide what to do with him once you press charges.”

“Press--?!” Midna nearly choked, “What kind of charges would I possibly press on a kid!?”

The Police Chief seemed almost confused, “Well, he  _ did _ steal from you. And given that he stole from our  _ queen _ , tried to use your money, and then  _ lied _ and insisted you had given him the wallet, that qualifies for at minimum theft, harassment of a monarch, and fraud!”

“Yeah, I’m not pressing any of those,” Midna placed her hands on her hips. “Look, he’s a kid and I’d rather just let him go home to his family tonight.”

Instead of relenting, the Police Chief narrowed his eyes and said, “My Queen...while I appreciate your intentions I must inform you that this boy doesn’t have much to go home to.”

“How do you mean?” Link interjected and Midna nodded along with his question.

“This kid’s made a huge case file for us in the last six months,” the chief explained, “And his file was already enormous to begin with. You see, Your Highness, he’s been in and out of Foster Care for most of his life and he keeps fleeing.”

“I--” Midna’s mouth was agape. “Well, have you at least contacted his current caretakers?”

“We got into contact with his foster mother,” the Chief huffed a sigh, “And she stated that she hasn’t seen him in three months since he last ran away and she has no intention of taking him back at this point.”

“And Social Services?!”

“Social services is waiting to hear whether you press charges,” he said, “If you don’t, then a social worker will be by to take him and...hopefully place him.”

Midna frowned at that, a pit forming in her stomach, “I almost hate to ask this but...if he’s fleeing from them...is there a biological parent you can contact?”

“Mom signed away parental rights six years ago,” he said, “I can’t say more than that, Your Highness I apologize.”

Midna exchanged a look with Link, sighed, and gave her final request, “Okay...could I just...talk to him before I go?”

The Police Chief wasn’t one to deny her request and when she was directed into an interview room, she sat alone at a table by herself save for a two-way mirror. After several more minutes of her drumming her fingers on the table and ignoring emoji texts from Link who was definitely on the other side of the mirror, a police officer led the boy in - still in handcuffs - and directed him to sit down. 

“I’m sorry, can you please uncuff him?” Midna asked pointedly at the officer, “He’s going free anyway.”

The officer glared down at the boy who glared back at her but complied then pointed for him to sit down in the chair. For a second, Midna realized why he had been cuffed because he assessed the room like he was planning to run the first chance he got. Thankfully though, he didn’t and he sat down. Granted, he was glaring at Midna the entire time. 

They sat in a near-stalemate before Midna finally broke the silence and asked, “You ready to take me up on that meal offer yet?”

The boy turned his nose up: “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Your principal said you’ve been trying to swipe lunches,” Midna noted, “And use my card to pay for today’s….and judging by your audibly growling stomach, I’d venture a guess that you’re hungry.”

“You don’t know shit about me!” the boy slammed his hands on the table with a growl. “You don’t even know my name!” 

“Okay, point,” Midna crossed her arms, “Then tell me your name.”

“Why should I!?” he snapped back.

“Because you just accused me of knowing nothing about you while your stomach growled,” she pointed at him, “So why don’t you enlighten me so I at least know  _ something _ about you.”

The kid plopped back down in his chair with a metallic  _ thud _ that made Midna’s tailbone hurt. Crossing his arms and looking away, his tail whipped furiously behind him before he spat, “...Lionel.”

“Lionel?” Midna couldn’t help but smile, “That’s a good name.”

“It fucking sucks,” Lionel snarked back as if he was just arguing for the sake of arguing, “So stop pretending.”

“Man, you really don’t understand my standards, do you?” Midna leaned her head in her hands. 

Lionel’s mouth fell open before it snapped back closed and he let out a little growl: “Why are you saying I don’t know you!?”

“Well, we’ve just been acquainted, it's how strangers get to know each other,” Midna shrugged, fighting to keep a straight face. “Start with a baseline of knowing jack shit, go out for coffee - or lunch, at this point - and learn something about each other! For example, I just learned your name is Lionel, and if you don’t already know I’m Midna, and now we’re gonna go get a meal--”

“Like hell we are,” Lionel spat and Midna was starting to lose her patience. Were they seriously going to keep arguing in circles? 

“Lionel,” Midna sighed heavily, “Just--for fuck’s sake just come with me and get something to eat--”

“NO!” 

“Okay, fine,” Midna grimaced, “But I know the cop explained to you that you can’t leave unless you’re accompanied by an adult. So would you rather walk out with me and possibly get some fucking  _ food _ ? Or do you want to continue to sit in a holding cell until the Goddesses know when?”

Lionel glared at Midna but sunk in his chair, his frown growing steadily. 

Finally, he relented: “Alright  _ fine _ . But we’re fucking  _ done _ after you buy me food.”

“That can be arranged,” Midna reached her hand across the table to shake on their agreement. Lionel reached out hastily and shook hands. In hindsight, Midna should’ve added her stipulations  _ before  _ they shook on it. 

“So...where exactly are you gonna go after this?” Link asked across the table, watching as Lionel wolfed down his second helping of pancakes. 

“Nonefff yadam bussneff,” Lionel spat with a full mouth and Midna watched as Link gave Lionel a forced neutral look that she used to see quite a bit back in the early days when she either rode on his lupine back or sat in his Hylian shadow. Back then, she could’ve cared less whether or not she pissed him off. But now...she couldn’t help but wince at the very thought of receiving that look ever. 

How did he even tolerate her?

Midna tried had to shake the thought off as she tried, “Well, I’d like to know.”

Lionel shoved two more pancakes into his face and then sprayed whipped cream directly into his mouth before answering, “Thaff not parta the deal.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Midna snarked back, “You agreed to tell me where you were going.”

Lionel rubbed his face with his entire arm, belched, and pointed his fork at Midna before stating “I said I  _ might _ tell you and that was  _ after _ we shook on the deal, Boss Lady.”

Midna scowled at that and spent the rest of the meal trying to work it out of him and make sure he at least go with social services who were waiting on them, but the minute they left the bakery he tore from them and ran away in the crowd. They couldn’t even find him after Link and Midna split up to look for him for about four hours. 

By the time they gave up and went to Bahltreese’s house, Midna was pacing anxiously. 

“Mids--” Link tried, holding a freshly poured glass of wine, “I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”

“But--” Midna pulled on her hair, “If he’s all by himself--”

“Middie, I hate to say it but Lionel is one of the most resourceful little shits in that school,” Bahltreese intoned, holding a bottle of beer to her lips, “And if he’s truly been on his own for three months,  _ plus _ the fact that the police department actually had to report this to the school district this time, two things will happen: he’ll be able to fend for himself until Monday, and when he comes to school next, the counselors will talk to him and take care of him.”

Midna crossed her arms, humming in thought, “But what if he bolts again? Or doesn’t show up?”

“Middie, I checked his attendance rate before I left work today and he’s got one of the highest attendance rates in the school,” Bahl explained, “They might be assholes about charging for lunch, but he does qualify for breakfast in the morning so if those pancakes were the only meal he was able to get today, he’ll more than likely be there on Monday.”

“Okay,” Midna hummed.

“There’s nothing more we can do right now,” Link placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she felt herself relax into him. “He’ll be okay, and he will be taken care of.”

“You’re right,” Midna sighed. He had to be right. The three of them talked - well, Bahltreese and Link talked and tried to distract Midna - until Izra arrived and they all stayed up together until at least four the next morning. By the time Midna did fall asleep, she hadn’t realized she had fallen asleep against Link’s chest as he held her tight. 

* * *

Lionel tried to keep quiet as he pushed the window of the house open to climb in. He tried to avoid this hit spot as often as he could, but it was the only house with a window left open that evening. 

Plus he was thirsty. 

The window led into the tiny kitchen and by this point he knew what the lady kept in the fridge and he knew where she kept extra money when she came home from the booze shop. Lionel hopped quietly over to the kitchen table where extra change even sat and pocketed it. He then hopped over to the fridge, opened it to find leftovers that he stuffed in his backpack and grabbed a few pieces of the sliced ham and held them in his mouth so he could eat it for dinner. He should’ve taken more care in being quiet once he started rummaging for extra cash he knew to be in the teacher’s wallet, but she was normally such a heavy sleeper he’d even been able to take a nap and a shower in this house before.

He just...hadn’t expected her to have  _ friends over _ . 

“Izra, what the fuck are you doing eaitng our leftovers?” a familiar voice grumbled, flipping the light causing Lionel to freeze in his tracks, ham still hanging out of his mouth. 

Of fucking course it was that royal lady from this morning. 

The Bossy Lady’s eyes widened and nearly popped out of her head. “L-Lionel!?”

Lionel didn’t even have to react. He just threw a chair at her and bolted back out the window from whence he came. 

* * *

When Midna dodged the chair, it landed by her with a loud crashing noise that woke everybody else up. Link was the first to stumble into the room to find Midna forcing herself out of the window. 

“Midna--?” Link grumbled, “What are you--”

“Brat’s back!” Midna yelled, falling out of the window with a splat, but when she looked up, Lionel was sprinting in a straight line away from her and she still had him in her sights. So she scrambled back to her feet and took off after him. 

“LIONEL COME BACK!” she screamed, dodging and weaving around several things like bikes and trash cans that he threw at her as she gained ground. 

“FUCK OFF!” he spat back, picking up pace before he leapt to a height only Commonfolk could and scaled a fire escape on one of the taller apartment buildings.

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Midna bitched as she took a running start before leaping to grab the first rung of the fire escape to pull herself up, just hoping she didn’t lose track of his loud footfalls on metal. Could she have opened a portal? Probably but she couldn’t guarantee where he was going. Could she have used her tactile hair to reach up further and pull her closer to where he was? If she had fucking brushed it out before she passed out in Link’s lap then probably but it was a tangled, painful mess so she was shit out of luck! 

Once she pulled herself to the platform Lionel had been, he had already made it three platforms higher but was pushing up another - very taped up - window and climbing inside. Midna paused for a moment, catching her breath as she waited for him to slide it back shut. She narrowed her gaze. 

_ Bingo. _

Treading quietly, Midna tiptoed up the stairs of the fire escape and crawled once she made it to the other platform. Once she was under the window, she lifted her head slightly to peer inside. The unit was empty, save for some paint cans and other renovation necessities, but there was definitely a flashlight on in what looked to be the bathroom. 

No Lionel in sight...but she could sense she was getting warmer. 

Careful to lift the window quietly, Midna slid into the apartment only for her ass to get stuck in the opening. Midna scowled, tried to reach behind her to open the window further, but lost her balance and fell into the apartment and unleashed several curses. 

“Fuck!” Midna hissed, but quickly sat up and got to her feet, alert, trying to make sure Lionel didn’t bolt on her if he was in the bathroom. Sure enough, the flashlight quickly shut off and she heard a shuffling noise before a cabinet door closed. Tiptoeing, Midna entered the bathroom like a cat on the prowl, glanced down at the cabinet beneath the sink, and slowly opened the door. 

She just...didn’t expect Lionel to bolt out screaming and biting at her, then tackling her to the ground so he could leap off of her and run away. Thankfully, her reflexes were lightning fast and she stayed on him and chased him out the door, ignoring the miles of tape that now lined her body and said “EVICTION NOTICE: DO NOT ENTER” save to shove it off of her. 

“LIONEL!” Midna called out again as she sprinted down the stairs after him before suddenly, they were in the main lobby of the apartment building, “For fuck’s sake, slow down!” 

“NO!” Lionel screamed back, but the minute the exited the building, blaring red lights from cop cars were outside waiting for them. 

“FREEZE!” an officer yelled, aiming a weapon at them, “PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!” 

Midna and Lionel both froze and complied and suddenly, Lionel was pushed to the ground and cuffed. 

“Wait a minute, Officer,” Midna dropped her hands when they realized they weren’t going to arrest her and approached, “There’s been a mistake--”

“We got a call that this kid broke into your home and you were trying to chase him down,” the officer explained with a warning look, “Miss while we can appreciate your enthusiasm, you can’t go chasing down a criminal and waking half this precinct up!”

“My--” Midna looked at him, confused, “It was my friend’s house actually, but Officer you can’t arrest him--”

“And on whose authority!?” the cop snarked back at Midna and for a second she wondered if he knew who the hell he was talking to. “With all due respect,  _ ma’am _ , I have grounds to arrest your ass as well for chasing this punk across town, breaking into an apartment building, and causing a public disturbance in the process!” 

“ _ Arrest me _ !?” Midna guffawed, “Who do you think you are?!”

“And who do you think  _ you are _ !?” he roared, pulling cuffs out, “The Twilight Queen herself!?” 

Midna had every right to tell him ‘no shit’, but she was honestly so shocked to be getting any pushback that she kept her mouth shut and relented. 

“Now we can do this one of two ways,” the officer warned, “I can either cuff you and put you back in the car with your friend,  _ or _ you can cooperate with us, come down to the police station with the homeowner, and file your report  _ there _ .”

“Y-yes...Officer?” Midna raised a brow. What the fuck…?

“ _ Good _ ,” he snapped back, before stomping away and for a moment, Midna wanted to chase after Lionel as the put the boy in the back of the car. Their eyes met briefly, and in that moment Midna could feel the fear bubbling out of that little boy before he disappeared and they drove away.

Midna placed her hands on her hips, confused, pissed, and offended an  _ officer of the law _ didn’t recognize her! 

That is...until she actually got a good look at herself. 

She passed a shop window on her walk of shame back to Bahl’s and nearly jumped out of her skin. Aside from being covered in dirt and grime, her hair had gone straight to hell, her eyes were still bloodshot from drinking too much wine, and somehow she ended up with small tree branches stuck in her hair that could’ve passed for horns. 

Plus...she was still in her PJ’s. 

She looked more like a trashy Queen Lookalike that was hired to do those spoof videos of her on the internet than she did herself, so she could only assume that the officer assumed the same thing. 

Groaning, Midna trudged the rest of the way home trying to at least comb out her hair with her fingers and when she swung the door open, she couldn’t even meet Link’s gaze. This was arguably worse than when he met her as a damn imp in terms of humiliation. 

“Midna!?” Izra guffawed, instantly running up to her to help her with her hair, “What the  _ hell _ were you thinking!?” 

“I don’t want to hear it, Iz,” Midna snarled back, “I just want to clean up and go to the police station to pick up that brat.”

“ _ Again _ ?” Bahl groaned, “Midna--you can’t seriously be thinking of bailing him.”

“I’m not thinking of anything,” Midna rolled her eyes. She wasn’t planning on  _ bailing him _ , she was planning on using her queenly authority to chew that bastard cop’s ass out and demand the kid be released! “But they told me you have to come with me to the station to make a report.”

“Uggh,” Bahl rolled her eyes, “Okay, fine, go clean up.”

“Okay, fine,” Midna huffed, stomping away. 

“And Midna?” Bahl called back. When Midna turned to face her she found Bahl, Izra, and Link all wearing the same expression on their faces. 

“What?”

“Don’t do anything stupid while we’re there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has seen AJ and the Queen with RuPaul on Netflix, that is ABSOLUTELY the inspiration for the Chase scene XD


	5. Stalemate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midna and crew try to break Lionel free only to run into several very expensive road blocks. Link gives one more attempt at trying to flirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets saucey at the end. Like sexually saucey. *insert eyeball emojis*

When Midna stormed through the doors of the police station, demanding to see Lionel, she fully expected a few of the officers on duty to shit themselves. She did not, however, expect them to be shitting themselves because they couldn’t comply with her request.

“What do you  _ mean _ I can’t see him!?” Midna all but growled. “I told you we weren’t pressing charges!” 

“I-I know, Your Highness,” the officer now handling the case - the same one who threatened to throw her in the back of the car, too - stammered. Apparently, he was nervous for some reason. “But the issue is that...someone else  _ is _ pressing charges.”

“ _ Who _ !?” 

As if on cue, an older woman marched sternly out of an office, griping something about, “Getting that brat off the street once and for all.”

“Oh Hell,” Bahltreese grumbled behind Midna, then spoke up, “Heeeeey Mrs. Leena!”

“Hm?” The hooved woman snorted slightly when she looked up through her glasses, “Oh well if it isn’t the teacher next door. How did you let that troublemaker into your home just to steal from you!?”

“He didn’t... _ steal _ anything,” Bahl grimaced. Midna smacked her hand to her face. Of all the things Bahl was capable of, lying wasn’t one of them. “He...what are you doing here anyway?”

“He destroyed my front lawn during his escapades last night,” Leena snapped. “That alone is a $500 fine!” 

“What part of the lawn did he damage?” Izra asked, “I work in landscaping, I can come over and fix it for free if you--”

“Don’t try to stand up for that kid on me, I’m sick and tired of him running loose without supervision!” Leena was all but shouting. “He’s a lost cause! If nothing else is going to teach him at this point, then he deserves to be behind bars!” 

Midna recoiled at that and felt all argument fade from her. As far as she could tell, this woman didn’t even know the boy. Who was she to decide whether or not he was a lost cause!? Who was anyone!? She felt her gaze drift to the floor, blocking out the way Leena’s words carried to voices from her own childhood. Voices she’d rather forget. 

_ “Our Princess doesn’t even know how to behave properly!” _

_ “If Princess Midna can’t even follow simple directions, she shouldn’t even have a stake to the throne.” _

_ “Midna, at this rate, Zant is going to usurp the throne from you and the people will be happy to see it. Learn your lesson, or taste the consequences.” _

Pushing the spectors back out of her mind, Midna sucked in a breath and snapped back, “If you really think he’s a lost cause, then I’ll take responsibility for him.”

“Midna,” Izra hissed behind her, “You said you weren’t going to do anything brash--”

“What responsibility could you  _ possibly _ take?” Leena bleated in Midna’s direction. “Who do you even think you are? The Queen?”

The police officer in the middle of it all withered visibly at that statement because Midna was really enjoying the energy she gave off by being able to say: “Yes. As a matter of fact, I  _ am _ .”

The old woman grew silent at that and only too late realized that she did not, in fact, have the characteristic horns of a Commoner sprouting from her forehead. Instead of recoiling from the revelation like the young officers had, this woman was apparently a seasoned shit-disturbor and barked, “Well what the fuck are you gonna do about him,  _ Your Higness _ ? He’s terrorizing my neighborhood and you’re supposed to serve and protect us!” 

“And I’ll do just that,  _ ma’am _ ,” Midna snarled back, “By rehabilitating him myself!”

“You’ll have to bail him out of jail first.”

“It’s only a $500 fine,” Midna crossed her arms. “And I think my friend here even offered to help repair the damage.”

“Midna,” Izra muttered nervously behind her. “Don’t get in too deep with Mrs. Leena, she means business.”

“And I’m the fucking queen,” Midna sneered quietly back at them. 

Leena stared up at Midna for a second, folded her arms, then said, “A Public Disturbance charge is an additional $200 fine.”

“I’ll pay that too!” 

“Fleeing from authorities brings him up an additional $1,000.”

“He didn’t flee from the cops, Mrs. Leena--”

“No, but he fled from you,” Leena was  _ grinning,  _ she looked so pleased with herself. “And you count as part of the authorities. 

Midna felt her jaw snap closed and her jaw furrowed, confused but nervous about where she was going with this. 

“And I can testify as a witness that he broke into and stole from my neighbor’s house, and has been hustling for money for the last three months at  _ least _ , which totals out a fine of an additionally $1,500, Your  _ Majesty _ . Add that all together we have a grand total of $3,200 I am pressing at this point, and last time I checked, as a public official you cannot individually exceed $2,000 in monthly expenditures without dipping into public funds - in which case we would have to cast a popular vote in next year’s election - and we’re only in the third of the month,” Leena had the audacity to add up the fines in a little notebook she carried in her purse for what seemed to be dramatic effect because as she finished speaking, she snapped the little booklet closed in Midna’s face. She grinned up at the people in front of her, leaving Midna dumbfounded that someone pettier than her even existed. 

“You’ve got to be joking,” was all Midna could say.

“I’m sorry, My Queen, but if I had known you were coming to rescue this poor boy from his own self-destruction, I wouldn’t have signed the papers,” Leena waved her off, “I do hope you have a nice day.”

The old,  _ bitch _ of a woman sauntered gleefully out the door leaving Midna, Bahltreese, Izra, and Link all staring blankly at the cop who simply shrugged. 

“She’s uh...unfortunately correct,” the officer sighed as he looked through the papers. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but unless you have the authority to spend $3,200 on bail I cannot release him to you.”

“But he’s a  _ child _ !” Midna screamed. “In foster care! Surely there’s some leeway in here!”

“His foster family surrendered him to the state, which means he can be tried as an adult on these charges,” the cop sighed, “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but that’s the way the law works in this case.”

Midna gripped the counter furiously as she felt her hair literally standing up on its ends she was getting so angry. Before she could blow a gasket completely, she resolved to slamming her hands on the table furiously and yell, “Well it’s a stupid fucking law and it’s going away if I have anything to say about it!” 

With that, Midna spun around on her heel and stomped out of the station, using her ponytail to slam the door shut as loudly as physically possible as the cop called out, “You’ll need the popular vote for that, Ma’am!” 

And so, for the second day in a row, Midna sat in a booth of a diner feeling at a complete loss as she stared at her plate. 

Everyone was dead silent beyond ordering their food. It wasn’t until the waiter came to check on them twice for not even touching their orders after the food came out that Link chose to be the first to speak up: “So...we need $3,200.”

“At minimum,” Bahltreese corrected, finally taking a bite of her breakfast. “The longer he’s in there, the more chances there are for additional charges to get slapped on his bail. He’s been running loose for months and Mrs. Leena isn’t one to keep quiet about being able to put that kid behind bars. She’s likely going to get more of the neighbors to come in and testify about every little thing he’s done to this point.”

“Okay,” Link leaned back, “Well...Midna, what’s the maximum you think you can take out of your expenditures and still have enough to get through this month?”

“I usually only go through a few hundred dollars on personal expenses,” Midna sighed with her head in her hands, “But whatever I don’t use goes into a public savings pot that just about every government official helps contribute to and I’ve never maxed out on my budget before.”

“Surely, you’re people will make an exception for one time,” Link noted.

“Not if they’re this heated about one kid like that old codger is!” Midna snarked back, panicking. “Link, there’s nothing I can  _ do _ !” 

“We’ll figure it out, Midna--” Link started, placing a gentle hand on her arm, but Midna couldn’t help but tear away from him.

“What do you know!?” Midna screamed, “This isn’t Hyrule, Link!”

“No, it’s the Twilight Realm and last I checked, you’re the Queen and you’re loved  _ dearly _ by your people!” 

Midna stared furiously at Link and didn’t realize there were tears clinging to her eyes until she watched the Hero’s expression change to one of pity. When he reached out to wipe the tears off her face, all she could do was hiss, smack his hand away, and storm out of the diner to go home. 

* * *

Link’s arm stung from the impact of Midna’s swatting and he couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something. 

“I don’t get it,” Link finally said, glancing at Bahltreese and Izra now holding their heads in their hands. “What did I say?”

“You didn’t say anything,” Izra sighed, “Midna just got her hopes up is all.”

Link raised an eyebrow, confused. 

“She’s always had an inflated sense of...how things work in these parts,” Bahltreese explained. “Being Royalty has earned her privileges that, say, Izra and I didn’t get growing up. And Midna’s tried her damndest to extend her privileges to as many people as possible but…”

“The Aristocrats aren’t the only Twili who’ve had their feathers ruffled by some of Midna’s legislature,” Izra leaned forward to explain, “There is a generation of older Commonfolk who’ve...long felt they don’t need or want government intervention. At least not from the monarchy. Finding loopholes around Midna’s authority has long been their way of rebelling against her, no matter how noble her intentions.”

“That’s…” Link was at a loss for words as he sat back in the booth. That was exactly the kind of bullshit that pushed Link away from any long-term position in the Capital ages ago. As much as Zelda had wanted him to stay...there came a point where he couldn’t do it anymore. Watching her day in and day out try to help those who refused her help, who voted against proposals that would do nothing but  _ help _ them only to get swindled into voting for proposals that elderly, selfish, senators snuck in to make themselves richer...it was painful. So when the choice came to either run for an elected position in the Capital or settle for being the representative of Ordon? Link didn’t have to think twice to choose the latter. 

“She’s just gotta throw a tantrum for a bit, is all,” Bahltreese sighed, “She’ll get over herself and have Plans B through Z ready to go by the end of the day.”

* * *

By the end of the day, Midna was still locked in her room and Link was starting to get worried. He sat in the common area of her living quarters subconsciously fiddling with his ring. What was he even to do?

“Lezela,” Link asked the attendant as she came into the living quarters. “Do you think she’s okay?”

“I’m not sure, Master Hero,” Lezela answered plainly, helping herself to the kitchen to make a pot of tea for the two of them. “But I’m sure you could ask her.”

“I dunno,” Link frowned at the closed door. “She’s never been one to...accept my advice.”

“What makes you say that?” Lezela asked, eyeing the kettle as she set two tea cups on a tray and began measuring the tea. 

“Well, she...she’s never been too shy to tell me when I’m out of my depth,” Link admitted. “And I’m certainly out of my depth on this.”

“Ahhh, yes,” Lezela smiled fondly, “The Queen has always had a hard head about some things, as I’m sure you know. But I think you’ll be surprised to find that, given some space to clear her thoughts, she is quite receptive to the company and the help.”

Link sighed at that, still fiddling with his wedding ring. 

“If I may, Master Hero,” Lezela offered, “The Queen has faced great hardships in her life. Since she was a child she wasn’t well-received by the public. The Aristocrats thought she was tainted by the Commonfolk when she was introduced to Masters Izra and Bahltreese. Coupled with her... _ rambunctious _ history as a little girl, she was harshly criticized by even her parents.”

“Really?” Link asked. The information itself wasn’t so surprising to him, but rather the fact that Lezela spoke of Midna as if she had been in Midna’s life for just that long. “How long have you known her?”

“I have served Her Highness since the day she was born,” Lezela smiled. “And that girl has fought an uphill battle ever since. In fact, by the time Zant usurped the throne, she had developed a mentality that she was alone and fighting against the world. I don’t remember her ever trusting anyone beside herself until she met you.”

Link watched Lezela, confused as she poured the hot water into the tea leaves so it could steep. She looked up at him and her smile only grew, “You look as if you don’t believe me, but I speak the truth. I’ve heard the stories of your adventures in the Light, we all have. But I was among the select few who Her Highness opened up to about what all she dealt with while hiding in your shadow, how little she thought of herself in her Cursed Form. You changed her, Master Link. You saw the best in her despite her circumstances and gave her the love and respect she needed to love and respect herself. I can never thank you enough for doing that.”

“I…” Link’s gaze fell to the floor, “She really said all that?”

“Oh yes,” Lezela nodded, “Maybe not directly, but her sentiment was there. Trust me, Hero, there is not a day that has gone by that she hasn’t thought of you.”

Link looked from Lezela and back to the door, feeling more and more like he needed to go in and check on her. But he just didn’t know how. 

“Here,” Lezela handed Link the tray, “It’s Her Majesty’s favorite recipe. It’ll mean quite a bit if it comes from you.”

“Oh,” Link looked down, “T-Thank you, Lezela."

“Of course,” the woman winked, “I would...recommend removing the wedding ring though.”

“Oh,” Link grunted again, handing the tray back to Lezela as he slid it off. He...hesitated doing so, though. “I, uh, I’ve never taken this off before.”

“Ahhhh,” Lezela hummed, “Must’ve been a great girl.”

“She really was,” Link smiled fondly, thinking of Ilia, “But she would want me to move on. Especially since she knew how important Midna was to me...how important she still is.”

“Perhaps there will come a day when you can wear it again to remind you of both lovely ladies,” Lezela offered, “But for the time being, freeing yourself of old jewels will help free your mind of misplaced guilt. If you place it somewhere safe, it will wait for you when you’re ready to return.”

Link nodded to the woman’s worse. Lezela was wise, kind, and as he felt the weight lift off his shoulder as he removed the ring to put it somewhere safe, he was grateful that she was the attendant who watched over Midna all these years. 

* * *

Midna had barely eaten her dinner when she heard a knock on the door and frankly, she wasn’t in the mood for Lezela’s sage advice. 

Which was why she was really surprised when Link poked his head in carrying the tea tray. 

“Link?” Midna rubbed at her eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“Lezela thought it would be better if I came in,” Link explained, setting the tray down and sitting on the bed beside her.

For some reason, Midna’s heart fell a little at that: “Oh.”

“Specifically,” Link scratched at the back of his head, the tips of his ears turning pink from the blush on his face, “I didn’t know how to come up with an excuse to check on you so she gave me the tea.”

Link held out the tea cup towards Midna for her to take and as much as she wanted to resist, she couldn’t say no to the herbal remedy Lezela was so expert at making. She took the cup in her hands, letting it warm her as she took a sip before teasing, “Whoever said you needed an excuse to come in here?”

“Well,” Link’s blush deepened from pink to almost red. “I...haven’t exactly been the best at reading cues lately. I didn’t want to overstep my bounds or hurt you.”

“Please,” Midna scoffed a little bit as she took another sip of tea, “You wouldn’t hurt me, Link. You’re too well-meaning for that.”

“Hylia, I certainly hope so,” Link deflated a little, staring into his own tea. 

“Why do you say that?” Midna asked, and was surprised when he reached over to take her hand in his. 

“You mean a lot to me, Midna,” Link explained, his expression very firm and very serious. Suddenly, she felt like a little imp who didn’t stand a chance again, the fluttering in her heart when she gazed into those serious eyes coming back to her with a vengeance. “I’m...I’m terrified of hurting you. Or...doing something that ever broke your trust in me. Or giving you any less than my best.”

“Link,” Midna felt herself pull away from him a little bit, though she didn’t let go of his hand. With a snort, she tried to brush off her nerves and her hope as she said, “You sound like you’re trying to give me a marriage proposal or something.”

“Well, I wouldn’t rush that quickly,” Link admitted, “But...I  _ do _ want you to know that I’ll do what I can to help you with Lionel. I don’t know what your history is with kids like him but I know his well-being is important to you. I’ll follow your lead, but if you want my help I’ll give it to you.”

“Th-thanks, Link,” Midna sighed. “I just...I never ended up on the streets but I know how it feels to be cast aside and deemed worthless by even your own parents. I just don’t want to see him self-destruct at such a young age.”

“I know,” Link gave her hand another squeeze. Midna scooched towards him a little and he took that as an invitation to crawl further onto the bed until they were both reclined against the pillows, his arms around Midna as he held her close. “We’ll get him back. And we’ll figure out some way to keep him out of trouble.”

Midna could feel her heart pounding as she realized the only place to rest her head was on his chest. He even took the tea cup out of her hand and set it onto the nightstand and it only felt natural for her to turn into him. This couldn’t be happening. 

“You…really think so?” Midna asked, trying hard to focus on the other major thing going on in her life. 

“I do,” Link’s chin was now leaning against the top of Midna’s and she fought the urge to drop the moment to specifically call Bahltreese to scream. “But whether you want to take the lead on this or you need my input, I’ll do whatever you ask me to, okay? Just say the word.”

“Okay,” Midna nodded, though now it was getting really hard for her to not address the elephant in the room. “Link...not to change subjects, but what exactly are we doing?”

“Hm?” Link grunted, his nose now buried into her hair. “Aren’t we...cuddling?”

“Yes,” Midna agreed, “But  _ why _ ?”

“I...uh…” Link cleared his throat. “Do you not want to? I’m sorry--”

“No, I want to,” Midna sat up, deflating as she did so. “But Link, you’re a  _ married man _ \--”

As she spoke, Link casually held up his left hand. Naturally, his birthmark caught her eye but as her gaze traveled up to the finger that reminded her she had no chance, she held her breath when she realized it was very naked. 

“Link,” Midna started again, “What happened to your ring?”

Link smiled simply and answered, “I took it off.”

“ _ Why _ …?”

“Someone very wise once told me that life is too precious to waste your days lamenting what used to be,” Link explained, “And then she pulled me by the ear and told me she would haunt me in my dreams if I’m given a second chance at love and happiness, but waste it by moping over her grave.”

“Was this Ilia?” Midna asked, her expression deadpan.

“It was Ilia,” Link admitted. “I...need to stop doing that.”

“Yeah,” Midna crossed her arms, “But you looked like you were on a roll, keep going.”

Link groaned and rolled his eyes at her quip but continued, “Anyway, I--Midna, you mean a  _ lot _ to me. And...the rest of my life aside, I have missed you so much and the one thing I wanted most and prayed for the most before I died was to see you one last time. Not only have the Goddesses given me that but...Midna, they gave me a second chance at  _ life _ with you….and I want to take it.”

Midna’s gaze followed the twinkle in Link’s eye as he spoke. He was so earnest and so sure of himself and...suddenly Midna was feeling very inexperienced. So naturally she covered her anxiety with another quip, “You sound like a Boomer.”

“I’m--” Link lurched forward, frowning, “That’s the term you and Bahl kept using to refer to the elderly here.”

“Specifically the super entitled elderly that make everyone else’s lives a living hell,” Midna rolled her eyes. “Which is not professional of me but whatever.”

Link pursed his lips at that and she could tell he didn’t really like being called out and when she started worrying she had actually hurt his feelings she deflated and caved, “I’m sorry, Link, I--fuck, I don’t know how to do this kind of stuff, what are you trying to say? That you want to date me? Or marry me? Or--Link, I’ve never even had  _ sex _ and I don’t know when the appropriate time to kiss you is--”

Midna was cut off by Link pressing his lips to hers before he broke away just as suddenly. Midna’s heart had ripped out of her chest and fluttered away to cloud nine as she stared at him in a daze, the Hylian very gently brushing a strand of hair behind her pointed ears. With a gasp, Link flashed a cheeky smiled and asked, “Does that give you an idea?”

“Of...what?” Midna asked stupidly.

“When it’s appropriate to kiss me?” Link raised a brow, his grin only spreading as he kept teasing her. 

“Uhhhhh,” Midna’s eyes darted around, her cheeks flushing, “Unless you’re trying to tell me I should just cut you off and dip you like a debutant at a ball while we’re in public then...no.”

Link rolled his eyes but laughed, leaning in more slowly towards her lips this time. He cupped her jaw in his hand as he explained in a low voice, “You can kiss me anywhere, anytime that you like, Midna.”

“O-oh,” Midna sighed, arousal suddenly pooling in her belly. “Really? You--you really want to do this?”

“I’d like to at least try,” Link said, “If you’ll have me.”

“Yes,” Midna breathed, this time much more prepared for Link’s kiss as she leaned into him. What she first thought would be a quick peck slowly melted into deeper moans and Link’s tongue slid carefully into her mouth. Midna felt her eyes open in confusion at that, though she didn’t dare release him from her embrace as he pressed further into her. Link moaned as he kissed deeper and Midna tried to hum along with him - this was how you made out with someone, right? - but with a grunt, Link broke away from her suddenly.

“You okay?” he breathed, trying to catch his breath. 

“The tongue is a new one,” Midna blurted, then immediately kicked herself. “I mean--it’s good! It’s--it’s  _ great _ , even--”

“Midna,” Link stopped her, breaking out into a sweet fit of giggles, “It’s okay if you didn’t like it. We can try something different.”

“We--” Midna blinked, “We can?”

“Of course,” Link brushed more hair out of her face. “What...is it that you like?”

“Hm,” Midna looked down at that, her arms now loosely wrapped around his shoulders. He sat on his knees and held her waist as he legs wrapped around his hips. “Uh. Holding’s good. Holding and...lots of kissing and….uhhh. Gosh, so many things, Link--”

“Midna,” Link started again, his expression flattening a little bit. His smile returned a little bit, now bearing curiosity as he asked, “Am I your first kiss?”

“NO!” Midna blurted defensively, looked back to Link and realized she had quite literally nothing to hide from him if she lived in his shadow for over a year, then deflated, “Yes…”

“Midna!” Link broke out into a series of sweet giggles as he pulled her into a hug. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about!”

“Really? Because you’re laughing,” Midna pointed out with a sour expression.

“I’m sorry,” Link giggled, “I just wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“Didn’t expect to make out with an imp who has literally no experience?” Midna droned back, trembling anxiously as Link held her tightly. 

“No,” Link pulled away just enough to cup her face in his hand. Midna sighed as she leaned into his strong, yet gentle touch. Okay, so she knew she liked that. “I just didn’t expect to be so lucky that I not only see you again, but that I’m lucky enough to hold you like this.”

“Since when are you this smooth!?” Midna guffawed, making those sweet blue eyes twinkle with laughter. “Last time I saw you, you were just a dork with a goofy green tunic!” 

“I mean I’m still a dork,” Link laughed, “I’m a...seasoned dork, if you will. Aged like a fine wine.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Midna rolled her eyes. “Just--just kiss me or something, I can’t handle the secondhand embarrassment.”

“Okay, okay,” Link sighed, unable to wipe that stupidly handsome grin off his face. He pulled her in close again and said in a low voice, “I’ll go slower this time.”

“Okay,” Midna nodded, and as their lips met, she felt her breath taken away by the soft love bites he placed on her lower lip and only the slightest bit of tongue that prodded at her mouth. This time, her moans felt very real as she pulled him closer to her as he pressed her gently into the bed. He moaned into the kiss, pulling on her lower lip with his teeth as their mouths parted and Midna’s little whine emerged only because he had separated from her. She did not, however, expect Link to press his lips up to her neck and she felt her entire body ignite with pleasure as he did so, sliding down to her collarbone as he kissed her. “Oh! Shit, Link!”

“Are you okay?” Link lifted his head to ask suddenly. “Is this okay?”

“I didn’t say you could stop!” Midna was squirming, “Keep going!”

With a smile, Link rested his chin in between her titties and said, “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable.”

“Can do, Partner,” Midna saluted and before she even knew what was happening, she was panting and writhing under Link as he played with her breasts -- when did he take her shirt off? -- curling his tongue around one of her nipples while massaging the other with his hand. He danced his mouth and his hands down her sides as a gasp and a moan left Midna’s body from his touch. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Link hummed, eyes hazy as he looked down at her sweating, panting form. She wanted to snark back at him that she wasn’t sure what was so beautiful about the fact that she realized too late she was drooling, but she was too beside herself with the new sensations wracking through her. She had never dared explore her own body with another person before and it was almost too much. Yet it felt so write. 

“L-Liiiink,” Midna moaned deeply as Link pulled her pants down so he could kiss the inside of her thigh. He held her leg gently but firmly so she couldn’t flinch away and it felt so good that she could’ve astral projected from the pleasure alone. The only thing that stopped her, really, was the sudden shock that hit her system as Link’s free hand grazed a very erm... _ sensitive area _ between her legs. “LINK!”

Link flinched away, releasing her before she realized she had sat up suddenly. She blinked several times, coming down from her high as Link kept a soothing hand on her shoulder, rubbing small circles. Brushing even more hair out of Midna’s face, Link asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah it just--I wasn’t prepared for that to be so...intense, is all,” Midna admitted, her face flushing before hesitantly leaning back, “Do we try again?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” Link frowned, his hand now traveling across her chest and down her stomach, his eyes gazed upon her so...reverently. “Do you want to keep going or call it here?”

“I--” Midna grunted, shuddering under his touch. She didn’t want that part of it to stop. “Could you stay with me? Tonight?”

Link broke out in a smile at that and in one swift motion pulled his shirt off to expose his bare chest before laying down in the bed next to Midna. “Of course I will.”

Midna’s heart pounded as she settled in against him as he wrapped his arms around her body. He nuzzled her shoulder, peppering the back of her neck with kisses as the two of them drifted slowly to sleep. 

“Link?” Midna hummed.

“Hmmm?” Link asked, and for a moment she could picture him wagging his tail if he still had one. 

“You...really want to be with me?” she asked hesitantly.

“I do,” Link hummed, smiling against her. 

“You’d...want to go on a date and everything?”

“I’d like to go on a lot of dates.”

“Even if I don’t know shit about getting dicked down?”

“Of course,” Link chuckled, “We’ll work through it together.”

“Okay,” Link smiled to herself, “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” Link nuzzled her again. 

“Why’s that?”

Link chuckled, squeezing her tightly as he whispered in her ear, “For wanting to fuck my crusty ass.”

“Oh fucking dammit,” Midna guffawed, recoiling away from him before she turned around to smack his arm, “LINK!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn't say this was going to be a pining adventure.


	6. Breakin' Wind and Breakin' Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midna and Link stumble gaseously through their budding relationship while Lionel breaks out of jail using suspicious powers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The beginning of this chapter was inspired by true events*
> 
> Yoooooo I'm back to this bad boy! I'm sorry for the delay in updates. Those of you who are following my Sidlink nonsense know that I have been on a mother trucking ROLL with From the Goddesses Above. But I needed a break so have Midna being the majestic fucking Gremlin she is. 
> 
> Enjoy!

When Midna awoke the next morning, she felt so safe and  _ warm _ in Link’s arms. Behind her, he hummed softly to himself, his nose nuzzling against the back of her shoulder. He pulled her closer to him, and honestly, Midna couldn’t contain the excited fluttering of her heart. 

He was...he was really back! And he wanted her! Like she wanted him! Biting a squeal into her pillow, Midna closed her eyes and smiled, just reveling in the feeling of her bare back against his bare chest. Of his warm hands pressing into her skin. Of the excited butterflies and weird knots from the burrito she ate last night--

_ Wait…. _

Midna’s eyes snapped open as she looked around. All was quiet. She was still  _ very topless _ \- no, scratch that, she was ass naked - and she had to take a shit. Like one of those massive post-burrito morning shits. And Link was spooning her. 

Eyeing the door to the bathroom, Midna thought about her chances. On the one hand, she could just lay in Link’s arms for as long as her body could tolerate. On the other hand, she could try sneaking out of bed to unleash the demons before he woke up. 

On the other,  _ other _ hand, she wasn’t entirely sure that she would break free of his grasp without waking him up. And what would she say to him then? 

Well...she had plenty of belching contests with him back in the day. And she  _ knew _ what his shits smelled like (bless Ilia for marrying him knowing damn well that his house in Ordon only had one bathroom), so maybe she could just….?

Midna tried wriggling free of Link’s grasp, but alas his arms were like a vice and he only squeezed her tighter in his sleep when she tried to pull away. Fuuuuck, she had to take a dump. 

“Liiink?” Midna whispered, patting her head against his forearm. “Link? I gotta get up.”

Link responded by mumbling incoherently and hugging her even  _ tighter. _

“Link, I can't fucking breahte,” Midna wheezed in his grasp. “Link!”

Link hummed again and loosened his grip in his dead sleep, but he  _ still _ didn’t let her free. Midna let out a whine, trying and failing to wiggle her way out. Instead she just flopped around on the bed like a fish and somehow knowing that she was prairie dogging was  _ so much worse _ because she was naked. 

“Link, I gotta shit!” Midna whined again, but Link  _ still _ wouldn’t wake up. Groaning, annoyed, Midna resigned herself for just holding it a little while longer and if she had to kick the man awake, she would kick the man awake. Thankfully, however, the urge to purge the council subsided and she thought she could go back to sleep. Her butt cheeks started to relax and while the kids didn’t need to go to the swimming pool anymore, her stomach kept churning with unholy noises until suddenly, Midna realized she didn’t need to shit anymore. She needed to  _ fart. _

Eyes flying open, Midna looked back at Link. Still passed the fuck out. Midna grimaced, hating the uncomfy gas build up in her stomach with every fiber in her being and for a moment, she thought she could at least angle herself away from Link to take care of business. That was easier than dropping a squat, right? 

Unfortunately for Midna, she couldn’t even turn around without Link protesting in his sleep and her attempts to swing her ass around to the other side of the bed only ended with her ass pressed square against his ding dong. This was not what she wanted. 

“Don’t fart on his dick, Midna,” Midna whispered to herself. “Whatever you fucking do, don’t do it.”

While Midna’s willpower was stronger than a thousand suns, her intestinal tract was not. Her wimpy, baby, Royal colon was no match for Commonfolk’s divine, delectable, delicious spices and foods. Curse her bloodline. She hated it. When Midna realized she didn’t stand a chance of keeping this one in, she opted to clench her buttcheeks together as tightly as possible in hopes that the gas just squeaked out like a silent but deadly. She could save face for the deadly part - Link didn’t get to say shit over the massive uh...shits, he was known to take. Knowing Midna was in his shadow - it was just the  _ sound _ that she needed to keep a poker face on. 

Midna sucked in a breath and let go, hoping for the best. She shouldn’t have let go because the best didn’t come. The bed reverberated. The walls shook. The birds sleeping in a nest outside her window flew away with startled chirps. Worst of all, Link’s dick woke up before Link did. 

She felt his  _ raging boner _ press against Midna’s traitorous asshole before Link actually stirred. And when he did, he sniffled a couple times before he leapt up with a start and looked around. All Midna could really do was cover her mouth and stare up with wide eyes. 

“Oh  _ Hylia!” _ Link guffawed, gagging visibly, “Did I do that?!"

“Uh,” Midna grunted, her face  _ hot _ with horror. Wait...did Link...did Link think he was the one who farted? Oh thank fuck. “I dunno...maybe?”

“Oh no,” Link’s face turned a bright red as he covered his mouth, blue eyes burning with embarrassment, “Midna, I am  _ so sorry!” _

Relief and guilt ignited her laughter. She couldn’t contain it, and before she knew it she was cackling and giggling and rolling around on the bed uncontrollably. Link frowned and glared at her. 

“Oh shut up!” he spat, “It’s not my fault the burritos didn’t sit well with me!” 

“I know! I know! I’m sorry!” Midna wheezed, holding her sides. Holy  _ shit _ it  _ worked! _ She kind of felt bad, but it  _ worked! _

Link’s frown tried to stay, but the longer Link watched Midna laughing, the more his shoulders started bouncing until suddenly a few chuckles started bubbling out of him. Midna only laughed harder, and by the time she was crying from her laughter, Link was smacking her with a pillow and he too was laughing uncontrollably. “Shut the fuck up! I know you contributed to this too!” 

“YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN YOUR FACE!” Midna wailed, pointing at him as she sobbed with laughter. Link could only bust out a gut (figuratively, this time) as he ducked his head into her chest and wheezed. It was a full forty minutes before either of them could calm down enough to even look at each other without losing it in a fit of giggles, but when they did, Midna’s stomach growled suddenly. Her smile fell. 

Oh shit, she still had to shit.

Flying out of bed, Midna sprinted to the bathroom. Link yelped in response and cried out, “Hey! Midna! What’s wrong?”

“The dogs are out!” Midna yelled back, slamming the bathroom door behind her, “I gotta make a peace offering before the Goddesses unleash a plague!” 

* * *

When Bahltreese got the call that morning, she called Midna. When Midna didn’t answer, she called Izra. When neither she or Izra could get a hold of Midna, they both took it upon themselves to storm the palace to figure out where in the hell their friend was. They figured that Midna forgot to charge her phone that evening (they were correct), they just hadn’t expected to find Midna with her head in Link’s lap. 

“Hey guys!” Midna waved from her horizontal position. “Did I forget to charge my phone?”

“Uh,” Bahl crossed her arms as she stared at the apparent couple, “Yeah. You also forgot to tell me about all this.”

Bahltreese waved her hand at Link who was sitting on the couch full manspread, then at Midna who was just draped over him in a manner that was only comfortable for certified bisexuals. Honestly, Bahltreese didn’t know how Midna didn’t have back problems at this point. She never sat correctly. She never cuddled unless she could become melted cheese, a pretzel, or a pretzel made of melted cheese. There was no in between. 

“Oh,” Link jumped a little at Bahltreese’s gesture, his face flushing as he looked away with drooping ears, “I’m sorry, I--I guess I should’ve asked for your blessing as her friends before I pursued--”

“Oh stop it, Link, this isn’t the Majora Dynasty,” Midna rolled her eyes, “I’m a queen not a damsel, and Bahl, this  _ literally just happened!” _

“Okay, geez,” Bahl held her hands up in defense. “I was just asking because yesterday you were super bitchy about not being able to date him and now you’re draped over him like you tapped his ass.”

“I’m a little uncomfortable with this,” Link blurted nervously. He cringed in horror at Bahl’s blunt observation as if he were a Boomer living in an era of discretion. And okay, maybe that’s how the Light Dwellers rolled and she respected that, but still! 

Izra, on the other hand, had trotted up to the couch and sat on the floor at Midna’s feet when they realized there was no room to join the cuddle pile. Adamant for details, they propped their head in their hands, tail flicking playfully as they grinned, “But how was it?”

“How was what?” Midna grunted.

“The sex, of course!” Izra grinned. Midna and Link both exchanged  _ horridly _ embarrassed glances before Link cleared his throat uncomfortably and Midna gave Izra a playful grin. 

“You mean before or after I ripped a fart on his dick?” Midna snickered. 

“Oh shit, you did  _ not!” _ Bahl cackled, covering her mouth with her hand as Izra slammed their head into the table. “Midna!”

“Hey, in my defense, I gave him a boner--”

“I think I should let you divulge the juicy details of your dick fart without me in the room,” Link sighed heavily, lightly patting Midna’s tailbone without explicitly smacking her ass. Like a gentleman. “Honey, can I get up? I’ll make something to eat.”

_ “Honey!?” _ Midna snarled, sitting up for Link anyway, “What are you, my Sugar Daddy?!”

“I--!” Link’s face was almost purple he was blushing so hard at this point, “No! I! Okay, I won’t call you that! Sorry!”

“It’s okay, Boomer!” Midna grinned, laughing harder when Link flipped her off as he exited the room. Bahltreese simply cackled, noting the way Midna was glowing. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw Midna smile this much. Actually, she wasn’t sure Midna  _ ever _ smiled like this before. “Okay, so what do you guys want to know?”

“Well, did you guys...do it?” Izra asked, waggling their eyebrows. 

“Uhhh….well, no,” Midna admitted, looking down slightly. “I--we were going to, but I got scared and...I felt bad but he was okay with it? He just... _ really cared _ about what I wanted and was comfortable with. And he kept asking me what I was okay with, what I liked...it was nice.”

“That’s amazing!” Izra beamed, their eyes sparkling. Bahl rolled her eyes, smiling at the way Izra and Midna bounced back and forth in their excitement. Izra had always been a rock for both Bahl and Midna. They were always the loudest cheerleader in the room. Midna needed a friend like them. 

Bahl sighed heavily.

_ She _ needed a friend like them too. 

“So anyway,” Midna redirected after a little while, “What brought you two here kicking down my door anyway?”

Bahltreese froze, coming back to reality as she exchanged a look with Izra. “Well,” she started, “I got a call this morning from the police station.”

Midna sat up straighter, her smile falling. Even Link poked his head out of the kitchenette with a firm expression. 

“Oh no,” Midna gasped. “He didn’t do something else, did he?”

“Oh, he did something alright,” Bahltreese placed her hands on her hips with a sigh. “He broke out of jail.”

* * *

Link had seen Midna do some pretty impressive shit with her tactile hair and Twili magic in the past, but seeing the way her hair stood on end like she was a demonic kitsune was downright unnerving. Honestly, he was afraid she was gonna kill someone. 

“Midna, maybe we take it a little easy--” he started, but she was  _ reeling _ and ready to slit throats. 

“That little brat is gonna get his ass kicked if he doesn’t know what’s good for him!” Midna roared, kicking open the door to the police station, “WHERE IS THAT BRAT!?”

“Uhhh,” the officer on duty froze, “We don’t know, Your Highness. That’s….that’s the entire problem.”

“Well, how did he get  _ out?!” _ Midna snapped back. At that, the officer froze and exchanged a nervous glance with the other guard on duty before looking back at her. 

“Actually, Your Highness,” the officer sighed, “It might be best if we just show you.”

If Link was confused when he exchanged a nervous glance with Midna before, he was really confused when he saw the  _ giant hole _ in the  _ cinderblock wall _ where Lionel had been previously detained. What was even stranger was when Link stepped inside the cell to inspect it further, there were scorch marks everywhere and the metal bars around the cell looked to be  _ melted _ in place. 

“What  _ happened?” _ Link asked in amazement. As he looked up at Midna, she stared at the scene before her with a surprised, but nervous expression. Link frowned. 

The last time he saw that expression was when the discovered Zant had smashed the Twilight Mirror. 

“I didn’t see it,” the officer explained, “It happened last night when I was off duty and those who were on were up front doing paperwork. We have the security footage if you want to look at it.”

Midna nodded her head and followed the officer to a room with a lot of screens showing moving images in real-time. Link was honestly so caught up in the strange, grainy footage that he missed what the officer was trying to show them at first. When he did look at it, he couldn’t really see how it was any more helpful. 

Midna took the controls and replayed the video over and over again, saying nothing. Link watched it a couple times as well. Each time it started with Lionel pacing around the jail cell until he suddenly dropped into a squat. And then a flash of light surrounded him until the footage whited out. Then a few moments of static before the video came back to reveal an empty, scorched, and melted cell. 

“What is this?” Link asked again. He looked up at Midna, finding that same familiar, stressed but knowledgeable expression. “Do you recognize this?”

Midna sucked in a breath, but stopped short of actually explaining what she knew. Instead, she looked up at the officer and thanked him, before grabbing Link by the hand and marching back to the Aristocratic District. 

“Midna!” Link hissed, trying to keep up with her long strides. Shit, she was easier to track down when she was a floating imp. Not that he was complaining about her long, elegant form, or anything. “Midna, what  _ was  _ that?”

"I can’t explain that here,” Midna frowned, “Not right now. I need to call the council.”

“The council?” Link guffawed, “But...don’t you try to avoid dealing with them?”

“Not on this one,” Midna admitted. She said nothing else until they rounded the corner to an empty street. When she was sure they were alone, she grabbed Link by the arm and slammed him up to a wall, explaining, “I think Lionel’s a Champion.”

“A what?” Link asked, confused. 

“A--” Midna looked around, her head on a swivel before she dropped her voice and continued, “A Champion. They...they were the protectors of the Sacred Realm for millennia.”

“You mean...you mean like the Sages,” Link clarified. “The Sages who protect the Sacred Realm and the Triforce?”

“The Sages protect the Sacred Realm on the Light’s side of the gate,” Midna explained, her voice barely above a whisper. “The gate is a fucking power sink on your side so you Light Dwellers need seven of them. Out here...well, the portal is a lot smaller but it’s a huge source of magic for us. We can’t get in, but a lot of magic bleeds out so we rely on four Champions, each with their own elemental ability. But the Champions haven’t been seen in centuries!” 

“What...happened?” Link asked, feeling confused as to why Midna was afraid of sharing this knowledge. 

Glaring at him, Midna admitted, “Ganon happened.”

Link couldn’t help but cringe at that, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Midna rolled her eyes. “My ancestors...they weren’t sure  _ what _ Ganon was when he was banished here but he...he swarmed us like a plague and wiped out the Champions in a single blow. It took my Great-Grandfather commissioning the Artificers to build special weapons that guarded the Sacred Realm in place of the Champions before we could finally corner Ganon’s malice. And even then, all he did was go into hiding until Zant was stupid enough to...well...you know the rest.”

“So,” Link looked around, “You guys use special weapons to guard the gate now...and it’s a bad thing that the Champions might come back?”

“The Champions are  _ hated _ by the people,” Midna explained. “For people that were put up on such a pedestal, the four most powerful beings in the world were wiped out in less than one attack. People resent and hate the Champions so much that the council has had to intercept targeted attacks on believed descendents of the Champions. If Lionel is one of those descendents...if he actually has the Flame Champion’s powers and he’s actively using it, he’s fucking  _ screwed.” _

“Okay,” Link bit back a sigh as he nodded, “So, what do we do now?”

“I...we gotta fucking find him,” Midna released Link to pace around anxiously and grip her head. “I want to tell the council but...half of them want to detain any Champions that show up and the other half think they’re machines just as much as the Divine Beasts are! I’m not sure…”

“Hey, one thing at a time,” Link placed his hand on Midna’s shoulders trying to calm her. “What if we just... _ explain _ what happened to the council? Then, if they aren’t helpful, you can do your Queen thing and shut them down and we can look for him ourselves! He’s bound to turn up somewhere.”

“Okay,” Midna heaved a sigh, stepping into Link’s arms a little. “Okay, yeah, your right.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Link insisted, pulling Midna into a hug. “We’ll find him.”

Midna wrapped her arms around Link, holding him tightly for a few moments before she sucked in a breath and said, “Let’s try it.”

“And then regardless of what happens, I’ll take you on a date!” Link teased, laughing when Midna bopped him gently on the head with a sour face. 

* * *

Needless to say, the council thought that the presence of Champion powers in a Commonfolk streetrat who broke out of jail was just more reason for the kid to be in jail. And of course, the day-long search for Lionel turned up pretty empty. Bahl frankly didn’t see a point in searching for him once Midna filled her in. 

“I don’t know why it’s such a big deal for us to find him,” Bahl whined, “Especially if he has Champion Powers.”

“I hate to say it, but I agree with Bahl on this one,” Izra intoned. “If the boy really is that powerful, he’s smart enough to know the danger he’s in and he’ll want to be left alone.”

“Yeah, but he is still a kid and he’s smart enough to know that the minute he’s spotted, he’s screwed,” Midna argued back. “But he’s gotta come out at some point to find food and--I’m scared of who finds him when he does if it’s not us.”

“Midna, if he’s outed himself as a Champion, you’re the  _ last person _ he would want to know about it!” Bahl growled back. She was honestly getting sick of Midna’s blind insistence that looking for Lionel at this point would even work. It just wouldn’t. 

“But I can still try!” Midna snapped back tearfully. “Bahl, he’s scared and alone and he’s a  _ kid _ . Just because my council could care less about the Champions doesn’t mean I align with them!”

“Well, then maybe you can do something about the piss poor attitudes surrounding that!” Bahl snapped back.

“Guys!” Izra snapped suddenly, getting between the two women. “This isn’t helping.”

“Izra’s right,” Link agreed. “We might not be able to find Lionel today, I get it, it’s stressful. But arguing about this won’t make it any better.” 

Bahl and Midna exchanged a glare, but both women deflated with a heavy sigh. 

“Should we...just turn in?” Midna asked the group with sad crimson eyes. “I don’t want to keep you all out here on my account.”

“We can try again tomorrow,” Izra offered, wrapping their arms around Midna’s shoulders with a kind smile, “Some extra time will give Lionel a break and us time to think. Besides, you and Link have a date tonight, don’t you?”

“UH!” Link grunted suddenly. “We--gosh, if tonight doesn’t work, we don’t have to--”

“I think I need to go on a date,” Midna admitted, looking near tears from stress. Izra squeezed her shoulders and Link almost instantly went in to hug her and wipe her eyes. 

“Then let’s go on a date,” Link smiled softly, then looked to Izra and Bahl. “We’ll...see you two tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Bahl shook her head, “I’ll meet up with you guys when I’m off work.”

She watched the couple take their leave, then followed Izra home with a heavy heart. 

“You okay?” Izra asked, frowning.

“Yeah,” Bahl sighed, although she wasn’t sure.

“You know Midna doesn’t mean to get huffy about this stuff,” Izra said. “I think she really does care about the Champions. Wherever they are. She loves her people to a fault. She doesn’t mean to snap at you when she gets heated like that, you guys just need some space, there’s a lot happening.”

“I know, I know,” Bahl sighed again, then forced a smile. “I think I just need to get some rest, is all.”

With a smile, Izra gave Bahltreese a hug and she hated to admit the way her heart fluttered when she was in their arms. Izra was just so strong...and kind...and smart...and  _ soft _ at heart. 

But she couldn’t be with them, she couldn’t let them in too close. She couldn’t let anyone in too close. Not even Midna. As Bahltreese entered her house and closed the door behind her, she stared down at her hand. With a frown, she released a small electric shock from her fingertips as she sank to her knees on the floor. 

She hated being a descendent. She had the power of thunder on her side and all she could do was curse her ancestors for forsaking her people in the first place. 

* * *

The date was going well until Midna rounded the corner and discovered that her favorite ice cream shop was closed for maintenance. 

“Awww!” Midna pouted, starting up at the locked door. “No fair!” 

“Hm,” Link placed his hands on his hips. “Well, what else do you want to do?”

“I dunno,” Midna smacked her head against the glass, “I’m out of ideas.”

Link let out the sweetest laugh in response, taking hold of her hand. “What about that candy store we passed on the way here?”

Midna looked up at Link with a hopeful gaze and followed him to the small shop where they loaded themselves down on more sweets than they could collectively handle. That was one of the things Midna had noticed about Link when she last traveled with him: he was a glutton for sweets. The two giggled their way through check-out, and when Midna went to pay, the cashier smiled at her. 

“Your Highness,” she smiled sweetly, “It’s good to see you and the Hero in here!”

“Thanks,” Midna grinned, “What can I say, Link loves the striped candies.”

The cashier giggled as they both turned to where Link was digging into his bag of hard candies. Turning back to Midna, the cashier leaned forward and winked at her, whispering, “Don’t worry, Queen Midna, I won’t say anything about your relationship.”

“Oh!” Midna jumped, suddenly coming back to a new level of reality. “Ohhhhhhh. Right, uh, thanks, I guess.”

As the couple left the store, Link was blissfully admiring the taffies and raving about how they needed to hit up that store more often. Midna, on the other hand, astral projected into next week with wide eyes. 

“Hey, Link?” Midna finally worked up the courage to ask when they returned to the palace grounds. “Um...how mad are you gonna be if I ask that we keep our  _ thing _ on the downlow?”

“Not mad, just confused as to why?” Link responded, raising a brow. Oh Goddess, he had that serious face on too. 

“It’s just...Hero or not, you’re still a Light Dweller and there’s been a lot of debate about how much freedom I’m giving you,” Midna explained. “I’m not sure how big the collective tantrum is gonna be when the public finds out I’m dating you.”

“Ahhh,” Link hummed, taking hold of Midna’s hand and instantly quelling her anxiety. “It’s alright, Midna. Take all the time you need. I’ve waited a lifetime to see you again, I can wait a little while longer to sing your praises to the heavens.”

The way Link could just... _ deliver _ lines so smoothly both amused and irked Midna while turning her on and making her swoon simultaneously. She didn’t get how he could be so smooth! How did he go from being such a handsome dork to still a handsome dork but with better pick-up lines?! She didn’t get it! 

They got home and unloaded their piles of candy into a bowl before crawling into bed together. She handed Link the TV remote and asked him to pick something to watch. When he stared blankly at the buttons, Midna bit back a smile and offered to pick out one of her old favorites. Link stared at the TV in confusion and asked about a million questions about how the moving pictures even worked and how TV shows even  _ existed _ . Midna was honestly glad that he missed the cable to internet transition, because his confusion would have been about eighteen times worse. 

As if she believed his Boomer confusion couldn’t have gotten any worse, Midna bit back a grin and said, “Man, if television is this confusing for you, I’m not even sure if I wanna see how you handle social media.”

To her horror, Link looked up at Midna with glittering blue eyes and a readiness to learn: “What’s that?”

To the poorest of Midna’s judgement, she pulled out her phone and had Link pull out his. Then she helped him download a series of apps and had the  _ audacity _ to both show him and make him an account once he was fully invested in the wonderful world of Twitterbook. 

“So, once I set up my profile, I can start following accounts and posting these...mee-mees?”

“Oh, Babe,” Midna grimaces, “It’s pronounced ‘meme’.”

“Oh,” Link stared down at his phone as the Twitterbook app finished downloading. “I’m never going to understand this young-people stuff.”

“Link, you are a young people,” Midna snorted in amusement.

“I didn’t used to be!” Link whined, his ears drooping. “I’m a crusty old man trapped in a strapping young lad’s body!”

“Yes, but your my crusty lad,” Midna hummed, leaning her head against his shoulder. “But I’m tired, so I think I’m going to go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Link sighed, turning his head to kiss her forehead. “Goodnight, my Love.”

“Hmmm,” Goodnight,” Midna hummed, lowering her head into a pillow. Then with a start, she sat up, “Wait: your  _ love _ !?”

“What, is that too old fashioned too?” Link groaned.

“N-no! I just!” Midna was blushing. She could tell she was blushing. “You uh...you like me that much?”

“Of  _ course _ I do, Midna,” Link said, breaking out into a smile. “Now...do you want me to go to my room or…?”

“Stay,” Midna asked. “Please?”

“Of course,” Link sighed, crawling on top of Midna briefly before he pressed his lips into hers. With a hum, Link stole Midna’s breath away. As he broke the kiss, Midna was sighing breathlessly, her heart pounding in her chest. Link smiled warmly, “Goodnight.”

“Good--goodnight,” Midna smiled, closing her eyes. Link stayed up for a little while longer fiddling with his phone, so she drifted off to sleep with her head pressed up against his legs and she couldn’t contain her smile. 

If only she knew that Link was so technologically impaired but intrigued enough to complete his Twitterbook profile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitterbook = Facebook + Twitter because both of those entities individually weren't dangerous enough. You get the Facebook profile with the bomb Twitter threads and Link's unfiltered (extremely progressive) opinions with his Boomer tact. If you don't think he's going to update his relationship status without realizing all of that goes fucking PUBLIC, then you're wrong. 
> 
> Also bonus points to anyone who can predict where the endgame of this story is going (*inhales* Lionel's name is a big hecking hint!)


	7. The Internet's Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link and Midna face the fallout of his social media blunder, thinking they've dealt with the worst of it. Little does Midna realize that Link's Twitterbook days are far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *claps hands* it's been a century since I last updated the Vibe Check so I bless thee with an extra long chapter featuring time skips and midlink life updates that help me plow into the next like 10 chapters more easily. 
> 
> (Also, I'm 42 chapters and a pair of testicles deep in From the Goddesses Above and I finally introduced Sollah and and and and if you don't know Sollah you WILL IN THIS FIC)
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy! Like I said, this chapter covers a lot of information so I can get to FUN SCENES BARE WITH ME.

Midna was starting to get the feeling that Link shouldn’t be left alone with his cellular device. Which was to say that really, she should’ve known social media was dangerous but she didn’t expect to wake up to her advisors, senators, and cabinet members blasting her phone and demanding an emergency meeting.

“Your  _ Highness!” _ Senator Gordon screamed when she finally answered the phone that morning. Fuck, she didn’t know how many missed calls she had, but it was only five in the morning. Midna’s body still felt heavy with sleep, her eyes crusted over. “Do you have any idea how long we have been trying to get a hold of you?!”

“Holy fuck, Gordon,” Midna whined, rubbing at her eye. Fuck, it was still dark out. “What’s going on? Did someone die?”

“Oh I should hope  _ you _ know what’s going on! Get in the Cabinet Room  _ now!” _ Gordon screamed before the phone clicked in Midna’s ear. She whined, trying to pull her head off of the pillow, but Link’s warm body beside hers was something she was quickly growing used to. 

“Mmmmm,” Link stirred slightly when Midna began to move. “Something come up?”

“I guess so,” Midna whined back, going against her better judgement to turn back around and curl up against his chest. Link responded in kind by wrapping his arms gently around her, holding her tightly. She could’ve easily drifted back into a peaceful slumber right then and there...but  _ nooooo _ the Senate wanted an emergency meeting at  _ five in the morning. _

Trying to wake up, Midna opened her phone to scroll through Twitterbook, figuring some dumb memes and conspiracy theories from Lucinda (a dumb bitch she went to high school with who married her sweetheart, divorced him, married his uncle, and then had like eight kids and started believing Light Dwellers were interstellar aliens) would help wake her up with a few laughs. When she tapped on the app, however, she frowned at the “99+” bubble under her notifications tab. 

“What the fuuuuck?” Midna droned to herself, listening to the calm thunder of Link’s sleeping heartbeat. Tapping on the notifications tab, Midna felt her heart just  _ freeze _ over the sheer quantity of people posting on her feed or tagging her in their own personal posts. They were...really fucking devicive too. Half of them were “congratulations!” and the other half either said “Queen Midna is cancelled” or “I’m so disappointed in you and your life choices.”

Why? 

She didn’t know why? 

“Hey, Link?” Midna asked, tapping her boyfriend firmly on the chest until he stirred again.

“Huh?” Link sat up with a start, looking around with bleary eyes before his head flopped back onto his pillow. “What’s up?”

“Did I...do anything that would’ve pissed people off in the last week or so?” Midna asked, feeling her brow furrow. 

“Ummmmm,” Link hummed, his fingers drumming in thought along Midna’s back. “I can’t think of anything.”

“Huh,” Midna grunted. Well, this wasn’t the first time bitchy Aristocrats tried to cancel her and she was beginning to figure this was why the Senate wanted to have an emergency meeting. For her personal image. Over something that probably happened two decades ago when she was ignorant to an issue. She almost dismissed the issue right then and there and put her phone away to get ready. She almost walked blindly into that meeting, blissfully unaware of her boyfriend’s grievous mistake. Thankfully (or unfortunately), Midna happened to scroll down to the first two notifications that started this mess. 

_ Link Ordon sent you a friend request (confirmed) _

_ Link Ordon updated his relationship status _

“Link Ordon,” Midna sat up, very awake, “Updated his  _ relationship status!?” _

“What?” Link’s eyes snapped open at that. Midna suddenly felt her heart pounding as she tapped on the notification and. Yeah. Sure enough, in big  _ bold _ letters above her profile picture and his...fucking  _ Dad Selfie _ that must’ve happened after Midna went to sleep, sat the status update that now escorted her to the chopping block. 

_ Link Ordon is in a relationship with Queen Midna (public figure) _

“LINK!” Midna shrieked, leaping out of bed. Ohhhhh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh  _ fuck! _ “Why the  _ fuck _ did you add me as your  _ girlfriend _ on Twitterbook!?”

“What?” Link cringed, confused. “But we’re dating!”

“That doesn’t mean you just  _ add me!” _ Midna cried out, furious. How could he?! He promised they’d keep it secret! He  _ promised! _ “Link, you said we could keep this on the DL!”

“I did!” Link yelled back, now just defensive and even more confused. “And we are! What does this have to do with Twitterbook?! I just filled out the questions it gave me, and it asked me about my relationship status and it let me add you! What’s wrong with that?”

As Link anxiously sputtered out his reasoning, seeming to not understand that Twitterbook was  _ not _ a private platform, Midna had to force herself to think in Link’s shoes. 

Link was an old man. 

Link was an old man who was quite literally dog-brained. 

“Link,” Midna smacked her hand to her face. Her anger faded away, replacing itself with shame and frustration. She couldn’t be mad at him. He  _ had to have _ thought Twitterbook had better privacy settings, there was just no other explanation. She had only herself to blame for this one. “Twitterbook sends out relationship statuses as public notifications.”

Link’s cute little elven ears flattened slightly and he frowned. His brow furrowed the longer he stared at her and he asked, “But you’re my only Twitterbook follower?”

“Yeah but you tagged me,” Midna was pulling on her face as she groaned, “Which means that all of  _ my _ followers can see your status.”

“Oh,” Link grunted matter of fact, then his eyes widened and he looked genuinely haunted. “Ohhhhhhhhh  _ fuck.” _

“Yeah,” Midna nodded. 

Link jumped up, reality hitting him like a ton of bricks, “Oh sweet fucking-- _ FUCK! _ Midna! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s….it’s fine,” Midna was pulling on her hair at this point, feeling her phone buzzing even more as the world began to wake. No wonder she needed to be in an early morning meeting. “The news was bound to come out eventually….”

“Midna, seriously, I’m,” Link shook his head, looking absolutely  _ miserable. _ “I’m so so _ sorry.” _

“Link, stop,” Midna huffed, unable to take the swirling emotions anymore as she pulled him into a hug. “We’ll be okay.”

Her little wolf practically melted in her arms. Link wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. They sat there, trying to calm themselves before Link let her get up to get ready. Even then, Midna didn’t quite want to let go of him. 

“How….long do you think this meeting will take?” Link asked quietly, brushing her hair out. As he untangled her long tendrils, pieces of her hair swam around to wrap itself around Link’s waist. She must’ve been more nervous than she was letting herself feel if her  _ hair _ was being clingy too. 

“I don’t know,” Midna admitted. “Probably awhile.”

“Do you,” Link huffed, “Do you want me to go with you?”

“Link, I--” Midna started, pulling away from him suddenly. Link was probably the last person the Senate wanted to see right now. She should’ve said no, but...well, this was honestly the first time her personal life had been put on blast and she...actually did want him there. “They’ll be nasty towards you.”

“How is it any different from how they’ve been treating me?” Link cracked a smile at that, brushing some of Midna’s longer bangs behind her ears. His hand hovered lazily by her cheek and she couldn’t help but catch his wrist in her own hand. 

“But what if they...what if they are  _ worse _ towards you?” Midna asked. At that, Link shrugged. 

“Are they any worse than Ganon or Zant?” Link asked pointedly. Midna numbly shook her head in response, so his smile returned. “Then it’ll be okay. And you’ll be there to look out for me. Just like you always are.”

Midna could’ve honestly cried in that moment, but Link didn’t let her. Instead, he pulled her lips towards his and they shared a long kiss. Her boyfriend sighed against her lips and she felt his teeth nibbling gently before he pulled away. Midna gasped, feeling dizzy with lust when Link stood up suddenly. He took her hands and pulled her up to her feet, leading her into the closet towards her favorite suit. 

“The Bad Bitch suit?” Midna raised an eyebrow. “You want me to wear that?”

“Well, you didn’t want to wear it last night,” Link rolled his eyes. “And you said you can wear this for work and that it makes you feel like a boss.”

“I mean...I  _ do _ feel rather...powerful with crisp shoulders,” Midna hummed, “But what about my hair?”

“Hmmmm,” Link thought deeply for a moment before admitting, “I have no idea.”

“Really,” Midna chuffed in amusement. “The man who spent an entire lifetime married has no idea what to suggest I do with my hair?”

“Well, Ilia always kept a short hairstyle!” Link whined, throwing his hands in the air. “And your hair’s magic hair! There’s so much of it, I don’t know what to do!” 

Midna spat out a laugh at that and decided to hop in the shower. She was in the middle of running conditioner through her long hair when Link suddenly slid open the shower door and hopped in. 

“Hey!” Midna whined, twisting her hair up. It was so long and thick that when it was wet it could just...sit on the top of her head for a few minutes. “That’s my shower water!”

“Ohhhhh, but it’ll go quicker if we shower at the same time,” Link pouted, dipping his head back into the stream. His muscles  _ glistened _ in the water streaming down his body.  _ Oh okay. _ Batting his big blue eyes, he begged, “Please?”

“Yeah okay,” Midna grunted. Ohhhh she was suddenly horny. She stood frozen for a second, ogling Link as he washed his hair. He was just so…. _ sturdy. _ And his butt was so  _ tight _ and his dick was….

_ Oh wow, his dick. _

“Midna?” Link raised an eyebrow playfully. 

“Yeah-huh?” Midna nodded back with wide eyes. The water streaming down his chest followed the distinct “V” at the base of his hips. She didn’t even realize her hand was fluttering over his  _ luscious _ skin. It was just...he wasn’t like a model or anything but he was  _ built _ and that farmer body did him a lot of favors, okay? 

Link’s cute little giggles were as sexy to listen to as he was to look at! He reached up and tilted Midna’s chin so she met his gaze, then teased, “My eyes are up here, Babe.”

“Oh--” Midna grunted, stealing one more glance at Link’s uhhhhhh  _ member _ before she whined, “Ohhhhhh my bad.”

Link let out a sudden cackle, drawing her in for a kiss. He kissed her on the lips, then one more time playfully on the cheek, then answered, “I’m teasing, Midna.”

“Ah,” Midna grunted again. Huh, she felt all….tingly inside. And then Link’s hand gently slid down her bare back before it cupped her ass. Tingles turned into  _ waves _ and Midna just wanted to spread her legs right then and there. But she also had to be responsible and ask, “Are we going to be late to the meeting?”

“Well, what time did they say the meeting was?” Link asked, peppering her jaw with kisses. 

“He didn’t say, he just told me to get my ass down to the Cabinet Room,” Midna answered, not even realizing that she was rolling her hips against Link. 

“Mmmmmm,” Link whined a little bit, resting his face in Midna’s cleavage. “We probably need to get moving.”

“Dammit,” Midna whined, pouting as Link finished up in the shower at a miraculously quick pace. She continued pouting as he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. “Dammiiiiiiit!” 

“It’s okay!” Link smiled so warmly at her. Midna was beginning to understand why Light Dwellers liked laying out in the sun. His gaze felt like the gentle sunbeams he always spoke of when they were younger. “Regardless of what happens, we can get back to this later today, okay?”

Midna batted her eyelashes up at him pitifully, “You promise?”

“I promise,” Link teased. Midna kept whining as she rinsed her hair out and actually cleaned her body, eyeing Link as he brushed his teeth. She kept eyeing him as he shook his hair out like a dog until it fell the way he wanted it to. Then, she kept eyeing him as he shaved his face. He was wiping his face clean when Midna finally stepped out and wrapped her hair in a towel. She was putting on her suit when Link gasped suddenly: “High pony!” 

“What?” Midna cringed, confused. 

“A high ponytail!” Link grinned at her. “You know, like how you used to wear it?”

“When I was a fucking….” Midna trailed off. “You mean to tell me you want me to actually  _ make  _ my hair do whatever the fuck it did when Zant cursed me?”

“Well,” Link blurted with rosy cheeks. “Not  _ exactly _ like that. But you always kept it in a ponytail back then and it looked good on you!”

“I was a fucking imp, Link how did  _ anything _ look good on me?!” Midna snarled, but she followed his advice and pulled the behemoth up into a high, tight ponytail. Then, because her hair was still insanely long (and damp), she braided the ponytail until it fell neatly down her back. She did her makeup, figuring if she woke up running late, she might as well roll in feeling  _ hot _ and late. By the time Midna was applying her lipstick, she took a look in the mirror and uhhhhh...huh. 

“Well, shit,” Midna placed her hands on her hips in awe. 

“What?” Link asked, his hands in the pockets of the dress slacks she bought him the other day. 

“I look hot!” Midna noted in surprise. “You were right on the ponytail!”

“I told you!” Link teased taking her hand as they fell into step down the palace. They could both immediately hear attendants and officials yelling down the way. Midna guessed they had five minutes of peace before they were ambushed. Squeezing Midna’s hand, Link added, “And for the record, I’ve always loved your eyes.”

“You’re joking,” Midna shook her head, grinning. 

“No, I mean it,” Link elbowed Midna a little. “You’ve got beautiful eyes, whether you’re a little imp or a queen.”

Midna pursed her lips, trying to hide the fact that she was having an emotion. Thankfully (and regretfully) her response was cut short when Gordon found them. He was yelling before he could march angrily up to her: “Your  _ Highness! _ You said you were on your way when I called!” 

“I had to get ready!” Midna whined. “Sweet Majora, Gordon! If you’re going to butcher me for what I think you are, at least give me a chance to look good while I die!” 

Gordon glared up at Midna with a scowl, then his gaze flitted over to Link. Pointing a pudgy finger to him, Gordon snapped, “And what is  _ he _ doing here?! He’s the one who caused this mess!” 

“Yeah, I’m the one who caused this mess,” Link retorted. “That’s why I’m here.”

“Light Dwellers have no place in the Cabinet--”

“He’s my  _ boyfriend!” _ Midna bent forward towards the portly man. “He gets to have a say in how we handle this mess!” 

“Your Highness--”

“That’s an order, Gordie.”

Gordon paled but said little more after that. With that, she and Link entered the Cabinet Room. She flinched as everyone began shouting and arguing at her presence. Honestly...she was glad Link suggested the Bad Bitch suit because she could just slump in her chair and just...swing her leg over the arm of her chair and just...try to pay attention.

She put up with the council bickering and screaming about whether or not her love life was worth caring about for exactly an hour before she shut them down. 

“Alright,” Midna finally sat forward, shutting up about half the council. Then she took her gavel and smacked it to the desk to shut up the other half. “ALRIGHT! Look! I’ve listened to your complaints, and I’ve got something to ask you all.”

The council looked up at her, waiting for her questions. 

“Does my private life negatively impact the people?” Midna asked. 

The council exchanged nervous glances but shook their heads. 

“Does it impact how I run things?” 

Another round of head shakes. 

“Is Link a negative presence in society?”

“But he’s a--!” 

“Besides being a Light Dweller!” Midna snarled. One of the older Senators cleared her throat. 

“If I may, Your Highness,” she offered. “The Hero... _ is _ the Hero.”

“He...did save the Twilight Realm,” a Cabinet Member added. 

“But he’s of the people who banished our Tribe!” Nobu smacked his fist to his own desk. “This cannot be allowed!” 

“Then why the fuck did y’all propose erecting a statue in his honor when he saved the world?” Midna retorted. 

“You guys wanted to build a statue of me?” Link leaned forward curiously. 

“Yeah, but I vetoed it,” Midna rolled her eyes. 

“What?” Link frowned. “Why?”

“Because they wanted to focus on your human form and shot down my idea for a wolf statue!” 

“Oh you little shit--”

“IN ANY CASE!” Nobu roared, getting Midna’s attention back. “As much as we appreciate the Hero of Legend, we cannot deny the fact that his kind is...why his kind is just downright cruel! You partake in this relationship now and what then?”

“I dunno?” Midna shrugged. “You guys have been pestering me to get married and knocked up so...I get married and knocked up?”

“He’s a  _ Light Dweller! _ ” Gordon protested, “You’ll dilute the bloodline!”

“You know full well what happened to your uncle!” Nobu threatened. 

“You seriously want to dethrone me,” Midna spat. “For having a kid with  _ the most powerful man _ in our recent history?”

“He’s a--”

“YES I KNOW HE’S A LIGHT DWELLER YOU POMPOUS PRICK!” Midna screamed. “But  _ seriously, _ what in the  _ flying fuck _ do you actually plan to do!? My uncle’s adultery wasn’t the only reason he was dethroned! It was just your convenient excuse to get rid of him so my mother could impose a regime that benefitted nobody but you and he was spineless enough to let it happen! Now, if you seriously want to try the same fucking stunt again, you’ll have a hell of a time finding a replacement as corrupt as Queen Helena because I have no siblings and I definitely don’t have any kids with assholes for you to crawl into! I’ll deal with the public outcry so you can do your  _ fucking jobs _ and you’re going to  _ fucking deal _ with my relationship or else I’m adopting the little commonfolk  _ punk _ who broke out of jail and you can appoint him as King!” 

With that, Midna rose to her feet and stormed out of the Cabinet Room while everyone continued screaming. Link followed closely behind, looking rather disgruntled once Midna slammed the door behind her. Letting out a gruff sigh, Midna asked, “You okay?”

“I forgot how much I detest politics,” Link admitted, his ears drooping. “But I can appreciate that you care way less about appearances than Zelda did.”

“Mmmmm, a true babe,” Midna hummed out loud. Then her mind caught up to her and she jumped, “UHHH! I mean! Oh fuck--”

Link snorted a little, then asked, “A babe? Like a baby?”

“No, I mean she was a  _ babe,” _ Midna shrugged. Link just looked confused. “Like a smoking hot babe that I still regularly think about. What of it?”

“Is this a Twili thing?” he asked so innocently that Midna didn’t catch why he was confused.

“Is what?” Midna crossed her arms. 

“Ahhhhh,” Link’s mouth hung open in confusion. “I don’t know I feel like there’s a linguistic thing I’m not getting. It legitimately sounds like you’re sexualizing Zelda.”

“I am sexualizing Zelda,” Midna stated bluntly. “I can appreciate art!”

Link continued blinking at Midna in confusion. 

“Whaaaat?” Midna whined. 

“I’m just confused,” Link admitted. “Do you like women?”

“HA!” Midna pitched forward,  _ “Do I?! _ Link, my bisexual ass can’t  _ resist!” _

Link kept staring at her. 

Midna grew worried. 

“Link, I’m still into you,” Midna stuttered. “I was...look, I like my women like I like my men, but you are currently  _ my _ man and I don’t want anybody else right now. I--”

“What does bisexual mean?”

Midna’s mind came to a screeching halt. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t know that word,” Link admitted. 

“It...Link, I’m gay as fuck,” Midna’s mouth was practically on the floor. 

Link squinted his eyes at her in confusion: “Are you one of those…...less-beans that Colin’s daughter kept talking about?”

Motherfucking Majora, Link was a fucking Boomer. 

“Link,” Midna smacked her hand to her face, “The term you’re looking for is ‘lesbian’ and no. I’m not a lesbian. Lesbians just like women. I fall for just about any pretty face who is nice to me.”

“Huh,” Link grunted, crossing his arms. “That’s….not something I’ve ever heard of before.”

“Are you,” Midna suddenly found herself twiddling her thumbs nervously. “Are you okay with me? Being this way?”

“Are you kidding?” Link grinned. “I may be ignorant, but I can learn this stuff! Why, Colin had to teach me about less-beans--”

“Lesbians,” Midna corrected. 

“Lesbians!” Link pointed at her excitedly, “I learned about  _ lesbians _ because Colin’s daughter, Martha, brought home a very nice young lad about...ohhh I wanna say it was thirty or forty years ago? Well, very sweet. She met him in college. They got married, had kids - it was a lovely little ceremony, by the way - but after their first child was born, Martha’s partner….well, come to find out he always identified as a woman and….oh crap, I’m using the wrong pronouns again, I’m sorry, but my point is Martha was actually a less-bean--”

“Lesbian,” Midna said again.

“Fuck!” Link grimaced. “Martha was a  _ lesbian _ , her  _ wife _ is...ohhhhh hang on, I know this.”

Midna had to applaud Link’s tiny little Light Dweller brain for at least trying. She saw his kind and what he grew up with, so seeing that he even  _ tried _ to learn during his old crusty days was actually really cute. Still, she didn’t want him to have a stroke in front of her: “Martha was a lesbian and her wife is  _ transgender.” _

“Trans…” Link slumped forward a little bit. “Transgender.”

“Very goooood!” Midna teased, clapping your hands. 

“My point is, Linda is trans--transginger--”

“Transgender.”

“FUCK!” Link was screaming. “Transgender! Linda is  _ transgender! _ And I met her before she told us because that’s not a….well, Hyrule isn’t exactly very accepting but Martha talked to Colin, and Colin talked to Ilia, then she talked to me and the girls were very happy! They had the sweetest little ones too!” 

Link looked….so fucking confused as he spoke. His eyes were a little glazed over as if he was trying to recite something he was told a thousand times but couldn’t remember verbatim and he was just happy to be hitting the main points. Still, he was trying and his eyes had that little sparkle she used to see when he played with the village children. 

“You’re like,” Midna snorted in amusement a little, “You’re like the village grandpa who doesn’t have a damn clue what’s happening but you’re going to make cookies for the kids anyway.”

“Yes!” Link beamed. “That’s exactly it! Except my cookies weren’t nearly as good as Ilia’s…”

Midna couldn’t help but laugh at that as she pulled her sweet old man of a boyfriend into her arms. She kissed him on the forehead and hummed, “Well, you can bake me some cookies later and  _ I’ll _ be the judge of that.”

“Okay,” Link grinned. They fell back into step, going on to the next order of business in dealing with their now suddenly public relationship. “And...I’m going to get the hang of these definitions. Like your thing! Uh….what’d you call it again?”

“Bisexual,” Midna grinned. “It means I’m attracted to two genders. Which...mmmm….we’ll talk about gender when you just...absorb everything else.”

“Ohhhh!” Link gasped. “Two! Like two wheels on a bicycle!”

“For fuck’s sake,” Midna’s smile fell. “If you start calling me bicycle--”

“Well, I’ll try but now it’s stuck in my head and I’m worried that’s gonna happen,” Link whined, growing pale. “Oh Hylia, Midna what do I doooo?”

“I can tell linguistics wasn’t your strong suit in school,” Midna groaned.”

“Well, I was a farm boy,” Link groaned. “So I didn’t actually go to school.”

“You,” Midna stopped in her tracks. “Didn’t go to school?”

“No?” Link frowned. “There was no need to? I mean I wanted to, but my parents couldn’t afford to send me….well, they couldn’t even afford to raise me, but—“

“Can you even fucking read?!”

“Yes I can read!” Link whined. “You’ve watched me read! I’m just….not great at it!”

“Ohhhhh,” Midna balked, frowning. “That’s so depressing!” 

“Midna, it’s fine,” Link rolled his eyes, “Just...know that I’m gonna be a slow learner on some things. But I can still learn! And I’ll try!” 

At that, Midna smiled and looped her arm around Link’s. He was a Boomer, a farm boy, and she would soon learn that he really was the slowest fucking learner she had ever met. But he tried so hard, he did his absolute best, and his thick head didn’t keep him from loving people as they were. 

Good grief, the Gods weren’t joking when they decided Link was just a big feral puppy. 

* * *

The first year of their relationship was a learning curve. Link had never been in a public relationship and Midna had never been in a serious (or sexual) relationship. In the first month, everyone seemed to have an opinion about the couple and they absolutely had to share it. At first, Midna felt like she was obligated to take the advice that was given to her but….well, sometimes it was helpful but most of the time it just made for more roadblocks. But Link was patient and loving, Midna was an open book, and they worked through it. 

The bedroom was another intimidating territory for Midna and she realized just how...shy she was in bed. She hadn’t expected the quiet, friendly little farm boy to be such a dominant and confident force. Frankly, it scared her a couple times in the beginning when he had her pinned down with a lust-filled gaze. Each time though, he paused and toned it down until they found a mood and a pace that worked for them. When he eased into it, when he brought her body to life with gentle caresses and bated breaths, she quickly dissolved into a needy moaning mess. He didn’t stop there; following her pace, Link explored Midna’s body and tastes like a coveted temple. 

The night he gently coaxed her to top, flipping onto his back while lifting her onto him, a brand new side of Midna emerged. She came so hard that she sobbed that night; it amazed her how well he knew her. She felt as if he could look into her soul and discover pieces of Midna that she didn’t even know existed. Letting her top had been the beginning of Midna’s awakening. She might not have liked being pinned, but Link  _ loved _ being pinned and Midna loved pinning him. She loved the way he moaned when she slammed him into the wall while they were making out. She loved how limp he went when he let her just toss him into the bed. She loved the way his chest flushed when she had him crying out with desperate pleasure, unable to move his limbs because they were tied to the bed posts. 

So it should not have been a surprise when Link discovered a  _ precarious _ website by accident, fell down the rabbit hole, and hung his head in shame when he approached Midna asking if she wanted a strap-on. 

“You want me to what?” Midna balked, sitting up on the couch a bit. She  _ had been _ reading a new book by her favorite author when he marched stiffly into the living room to ask her a question. She just wasn’t sure if she heard him right. 

“I want you to…” Link started, turned a deeper shade of red, then mumbled unintelligibly, “...fuhmeindass.”

“What?”

“I want you to fuck me in the ass!” Link finally admitted in a whining tone. 

“Ohhhhh,” Midna felt her own ears drooping, her own cheeks flushing. Oh nooooo. 

“I know, I know, it’s probably stupid,” Link was pulling nervously at his hair. No wonder he went bald in his past life, he probably pulled it out with his bare hands! “This isn’t normal. Is it normal? I feel like this isn’t normal to want this!” 

“No, no, it’s--it’s a fairly normal kink,” Midna smacked her hand to her face. “But...Link, what if I accidentally tear your asshole?!”

Link watched Midna with a blank expression, grunting a bit as if he hadn’t thought that far ahead. To her amazement, he asked, “Well...doesn’t Iz take it up the butt?”

“I don’t know, probably!” Midna groaned. “They haven’t exactly had many hook-ups recently, so I’m not sure what they’ve been doing.”

“So we ask them!” Link offered, grinning. Midna held back a whine at that. Izra and Link had developed an adorably close friendship over the past year. He still couldn’t figure out Izra’s gender for the life of him, but he had their pronouns nailed on day one and just rolled with the punches from there. Midna was honestly so confused how Link was so good with pronouns when he retained  _ nothing else, _ but Bahl seemed to think it had to do with the fact that his everything was self-taught. Apparently, Link’s mental flexibility (or lack thereof) with linguistics reminded her of someone with a middle-school reading level. Even so, Link rarely seemed bothered by his constant states of confusion. He just shrugged it off if he didn’t understand it and agreed to try again later. Izra had volunteered themself as Link’s ever patient gender teacher, working with him at his confused old man pace. No matter how ignorant the blunders, Izra just remained absolutely delighted that their friend was loving, accepting, and able to learn and grow regardless. Honestly, the two of them together were sweeter than a herd of baby dragons playing. So it was a huge source of dissonance for Midna that such pure puppies were just wicked kink masters in bed. 

“Uhhhh okay,” Midna answered, feeling her stomach curdling at the very thought of accidentally tearing her boyfriend’s asshole. Oh  _ no. _

Sensing her anxiety, Link frowned a bit. “Is...that okay? Or would you rather table that idea?”

“I just...really really don’t know what I’m doing in that department,” Midna admitted. “It’s still weird for me to even ride you I don’t--butts don’t stretch that quickly!” 

“Hey, hey,” Link knelt down, taking hold of Midna’s shoulders. He had a way of lowering his voice when she started overthinking something. It was subtle, but it always managed to remind Midna that she was okay. That they were okay. Smiling, he kissed Midna on the forehead and said, “We don’t have to talk about this right now. I can ask Izra about it so I at least know...more about what I’m supposed to be doing and if you want to try, then we’ll try.”

“Okay,” Midna nodded her head, feeling much more comfortable in his arms and words of reassurance than she had the first time they tried having sex. She felt so  _ safe _ with Link, so  _ loved. _ She loved her little Light Dweller so  _ so _ much. Call her selfish, but she would walk away from being Queen just to spend the rest of her life with him if she had to. 

Thankfully, her people loved Link, so that wasn’t really an issue. 

He was a useless little shit in any sort of political setting, sure, but Midna didn’t need him to be political. She could handle those spitfire geezers by herself! But Link just...he had a way with people that Midna couldn’t seem to master. Sure, people were personable and comfortable around her, but Link just approached complete strangers with such a willingness to  _ help. _ Why, she watched him help an elder woman set up her hydromelon cart at the Farmer’s Market and she divulged her entire life story to him! Not only that but Midna wound up sittin at the little cafe for over an hour just waiting for him to come back from his helpful excursion. When he returned, he did so with information and insights Midna didn’t even know she needed to be aware of, just from talking with one person. He could just….identify problems that her people didn’t even know existed by striking up conversations about the weather. 

Not only that, but Link had apparently become the internet’s Dad in the last year. Izra had lent him a book (with an audiobook) about a little trans girl whose parents didn’t accept her. It was a way of teaching him what people like Izra (including Izra) sometimes went through and….well...Midna woke up one night and found Link sobbing hysterically on the couch. And then he put out a Tweet declaring that he would adopt any closeted kid whose parents or guardians didn’t accept them. And that started an uncontrollable thread of young Twili sharing their experiences of either staying closeted until adulthood, or being kicked to the streets, or having their parents try to shame them into being straight, you name it. 

Link didn’t sleep for three days, he just kept reading and  _ absorbing _ every tweet and post. It took him the full three days and a lot of crying, but Link responded to  _ every single response _ to his thread with some iteration of “I’m your dad now, dinner’s on the table at six and be sure you brush your teeth before bed.”

By the time the onslaught of tweeting had died down enough for Link to put his phone away, he had been sniffling with his head in her lap. 

“Middie?” he huffed.

“Yeeees?” Midna responded, brushing his hair out of his tear-soaked face. 

Link sniffed, then very seriously said, “If we ever have a kid. And that kid’s trans-ginger, we gotta help them transition as soon as possible! I don’t want--I don’t want us to have a baby who grows up not being comfortable in their own body!”

Midna knew Link was being completely serious. She knew that there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt that they would be on a united front should that issue  _ ever _ arise, but she couldn’t help but let out the laughing fit she’d been holding in the entire time her boyfriend dissolved into a damn train wreck. 

“Whaaaaat?” Link whined in annoyance. 

Midna couldn’t be bothered to get her giggles under control: “It’s trans _ gender.” _

“FUCK!” Link screamed, sitting up in frustration. “Every single  _ fucking _ time!” 

Midna could only continue to laugh at her uneducated Boomer of a farm boy, but she loved him so much for trying. 

She just….she hadn’t expected so many teens and young adults to take the “dinner at six” tweet seriously. 

It wasn’t all the time, and it actually started pretty small, with the young Aristocratic daughter of  _ Zebel, _ shockingly enough. She knocked on their door one evening, visibly shaking as she held hands with a young Commonfolk girl when Midna opened the door. 

“Hey, Sheila!” Midna greeted, eyeing the kids. Odd….she didn’t realize Sheila was friends with Commonfolk. Well, she didn’t realize Zebel would  _ let her _ be friends with Commonfolk. “What’re you up to?”

“Um,” Sheila looked down, twiddling her thumbs nervously. “I...I told my father that I was studying at a friend’s house tonight but...Master Link said dinner was at six?”

Midna eyed Sheila in confusion for a moment. Then her gaze fell on the way she held hands with the other girl. 

_ Oh. _

“Oh!” Midna grunted in surprise. “Uhhhhh…. _ well, _ dinner’s running a little late tonight but...come on in!” 

The way the two girls just  _ lit up _ both warmed Midna’s heart and confused her. She wasn’t used to having company that wasn’t Bahltreese or Izra over. Like ever. She was used to her people being personable with her, she wasn’t used to them leaning in closer than arm’s length. But that was the other incredibly amazing thing about Link: he was an uneducated farm boy from bumfuck nowhere, Hyrule. He was a crusty old man who couldn’t tell you the difference between pansexual and asexual, but he was gonna spend as many hours as it took to read a book or practice in a mirror or do  _ whatever it took _ to make sure you knew that he wasn’t just blowing you off. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when Midna led the two girls into the kitchen, Link looked up and just  _ radiated _ pure joy. 

“Oh!” Link gasped, smiling, “What brings you two here?”

“W-we came for dinner, sir,” the Commonfolk girl answered. “I--I’m Eliza, sir. You...responded to my tweet?”

“Ohhhh wonderful!” Link was  _ beaming _ with excitement. “Well, help yourselves to something to drink! I made a fresh batch of lemonade this morning and the cups are behind me!” 

“Th-thank you, Master Link!” Sheila bowed deeply, but Link just waved her off like there was no need to thank him. He even directed them to the living room to watch TV or play video games while he plated the food. 

“Link,” Midna whispered the minute the girls were out of earshot. “They took your tweet literally.”

“I know!” Link bounced with utter delight, completely missing Midna’s sense of concern. “Isn’t that wonderful!? This city is so huge, I was scared no one would come!” 

“So...wait,” Midna felt her brow furrow in confusion. “You...wanted this to happen?”

“Well, of course!” Link grinned, conscious of keeping his voice low. “Midna, this kind of stuff used to happen all the time back in Ordon. Hell, it got to a point where Ilia and I just left our door unlocked so the kids could come and go as they pleased!” 

“Okay, but Link,” Midna was struggling to keep up with the things he was telling her. “What if more kids start showing up? We don’t have a big enough table.”

“Then we get a bigger table!” Link suggested. “Or open up the royal dining room!”

“Link, the palace attendants are going to kill me if we get a constant traffic flow of queer children,” Midna whispered harshly. “I’m...I’m limited in how much I can host here.”

Link’s smile fell a little at that as he fell into thought. Looking around at the small living quarters that Midna had largely reclused herself to in the massive palace, Link sucked in a breath and asked, “What if we got a house?”

“I’m sorry?” Midna reared. 

Link looked up at her with more excitement as the gears started turning, “Midna, we could get a house!” 

“Uh, Link, we’d exceed my stipend,” Midna grimaced. 

“But I could get a job!” Link took Midna’s hands suddenly. Ohhhh, he was going to be damned if he didn’t make this happen, she could tell. “I could get a job and--and--Midna are you legally allowed to live in a house that’s not the palace?!”

“I mean, the Cabinet will throw a fit but yeah,” Midna nodded, still struggling to follow Link’s train of thought. “My parents had a beach house in the Wetlands when I was younger...so...yeah.”

“Midnaaaaa!” Link was bouncing like a little puppy, he was so excited. “Midna, we should get a house! With a big kitchen and a bigger dining room; we can host  _ as many kids _ as we need to!” 

“O-okay,” Midna grunted, and just like that she created a monster. 

But...okay, she had to admit that as awkward and uncomfy she was, she loved having Sheila and Eliza over that night. They started coming over on a weekly basis after that. Then one night, one of Eliza’s school mates came over with a few people. A month later, they grew to expect a small gaggle - gay, straight, anxious, angsty, or just hungry - just about every evening until the palace guards yelled at Link for making their jobs hell. So Link put out a Tweet asking for dinner to be a solid Friday thing (that way, if anyone needed to stay late or stay the night, they wouldn’t miss school). Then, Link put out about three more tweets assuring his now massive following that the doors were always open if it was desperately needed, regardless of the reason. Then, Link started talking way more seriously about getting a job to pay for a house mortgage. 

Fucking Majora, the internet literally adopted Link as their collective Dad and if it wasn’t because of his overwhelming capacity for love, it was definitely because he still hadn’t figured out hashtags. 

Midna sat on her couch, scrolling through Twitterbook to find a picture Link had tagged her in recently from Pride. It was arguably her favorite photo of them thus far: they were standing in the middle of the street, surrounded in sweat, rainbows, and glitter. Link was wearing a “Free Dad Hugs” shirt that someone had gifted him at dinner the week before and he had even let Midna paint glittering rainbows on his handsome little cheekbones. He stood there, with his arm around Midna’s waist as she pressed her lips to the top of his head. As cute as the picture was, it was the  _ caption _ that had Midna losing her shit. 

_ “First Pride with this beauty QUEEN! ;) Haha. Get it? HashtagPride.” _

“Hey Miiiiiiids?” Link whined from the kitchen. Oh, there it was. “How do I get hashtags to do the blue text?”

“You mean for the photo you posted of us?” Midna snickered. She turned around to find Link wandering into the living room with a perplexed expression. Unable to contain her smile, she answered, “Well, you actually have to type the hashtag key. You don’t need to type out the actual word.”

Link stared at Midna blankly, thinking hard on that. 

Eventually, his thought process proved fruitless. Sighing, he admitted, “I don’t get it.”

“I--” Midna grunted, then decided to just take his phone. “Let me show you.”

It took twenty minutes of explaining, demonstrating, and re-explaining, but Link didn’t get it and he eventually put out a tweet to express their mutual frustration:  _ “Okay, Twitterbook friends. Midna’s trying to teach me how to use hashtags. Any tips? Hashtag help.” _

Ultimately, Link had to just marinate on the information for about three hours - he usually did - and, in a dawning realization as Midna was just drifting off into sleep, he gasped, “OHHHH! It’s the BUTTON!”

“AH!” Midna sat up with a start, “What?”

“The hashtag!” Link grinned. “I have to tell the internet what I learned.”

“I regret giving you a phone,” Midna whined, flopping onto her stomach and throwing her pillow over her head to shield her eyes from the blinding light of his screen. The next day, she checked for any damages, but thankfully Link had long since learned his lesson and all he tweeted was a simple message that said,  _ “Okay. I think I figured it out, I just used the # button, right? #Learning.” _

Midna rolled her eyes at that, getting out of bed to make coffee. To her pleasant surprise, Link was not only up and about, but he had the coffee pot freshly brewed and as dark as Midna’s soul! 

“Awwww!” Midna smiled when she realized her favorite coffee cup was already set out for her. “Thanks, Link! What’s the occasion?”

“The occasion,” Link gave her a little peck on the cheek. “Is that for once, you got to sleep in.”

“Oh, I love you,” Midna grinned, drinking her black coffee. Mmmmm, it was stronger than Link’s biceps, just the way she liked it. For once, Midna had taken a vacation day. For Link’s absolute delight, she took her vacation day so they could look at houses now that he was near his savings goal. His work ethic was incredible; there weren’t many jobs Link qualified for in the Twilight Realm, but he wasn’t afraid of anything. At first, he just picked up little oddball jobs around town. Then he lent himself to a few temporary construction jobs until, finally, an opening popped up for a custodian at the elementary school in the district Bahltreese worked for. Everyone - literally everyone - raised an eyebrow at Link’s employment decision. How did a legend, the Hero of Hyrule who was dating the  _ Queen _ of Twilight, get a job as a  _ janitor _ in an elementary school, after all? 

Well, it was honest work that paid exceptionally well, so Link was happy. Not only that, but he got to give hugs, fist bumps, and high-fives to little ones when they marched into school in the mornings, to the cafeteria, or wherever it was that little ones marched to during the school day. Better yet, he came home overwhelmed with emotion on his first holiday season with an entire  _ box _ filled with greeting cards and handmade gifts all addressed to Mr. Link from just about every kid in that school. Just listening to the way he chattered on about his day and the kids he got to know made Midna wonder if he was as much a school teacher as the actual school teachers. 

Frankly, she wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to open up a daycare once they had a house. It was….it was so incredibly  _ sweet, _ but sometimes thinking too hard about Link’s tendencies to drop everything just for one of his students or one of the kids that frequented Friday night dinners broke her heart. 

Link was a man with an overwhelming capacity for love. Especially when it came to kids. 

For one reason or another, he and Ilia had never been able to have kids of their own. Somehow, Midna just  _ knew _ that all of this stemmed from an unspoken grief over missing out on fatherhood in his past life. Honestly, Midna couldn’t even ask too much about that without Link getting misty eyed and quiet. She couldn’t even imagine how hard it must’ve been on him and his wife when they were going through….whatever had happened. She knew something happened. Something beyond not being able to get pregnant. But he didn’t talk about it so she didn’t ask. Instead, she followed him to the several different showings Link had been excitedly chattering about and listened to him go on and on about the  _ kitchens _ they saw and how many people they could  _ host _ in the future. 

Link fell in love with one house in particular the moment he saw the kitchen. Midna hummed along with him and the real estate agent as they discussed options, price points, the neighborhood, and so on. She could see Link quickly becoming sold on the place, so she decided to scout out the bedrooms and make sure this was  _ actually _ a place that they wanted. It was a three bedroom house, four if one counted the room in the finished basement. Bathrooms were nice, rooms were huge. The floor plan was  _ open _ (which was one of Link’s biggest wishes), and it opened to an adorable backyard. Plus, whether Link had plotted this from the beginning, or not, it was right across the street from the elementary school. Humming to herself, Midna couldn’t help but subconsciously pace between bedrooms and pace from bedrooms to the kitchen. And then pace back to the bedrooms. 

“Hmmmm,” Midna grumbled, standing in one of the bedrooms. She hated the train of thought she kept following. She knew herself and Link well enough to know that it was bound to happen but she still hated that it was happening. 

“Middie!” Link cheered when he found her. “What do you think? You wanna put an offer down?”

“Yeah,” Midna hummed, still making her own mental calculations. “You think it’ll be big enough?”

“Will it?” Link giggled. “Of course it will! We can host so many--”

“Link,” Midna felt her stomach bundling up in knots, “Will it be big enough for any children that  _ we _ have? To live here?”

Link stilled a little at that, looking around in the bedroom. She had honestly thought Link would look more excited by the question. He didn’t look as nervous as she felt by the idea, at least. He also looked so incredibly  _ sad _ by the thought, though. 

“Link?” Midna asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are...you okay?”

“Oh,” Link grunted a little, his gaze softening as he looked around the bedroom. “I’m...yeah...this should be big enough if we have kids.”

“Link,” Midna turned to face him fully. “What’s going on?”

Link glanced down at the floor, his ears drooping when he shrugged. “I just...it’s hard to think about that kind of thing right now.”

“How so?” Midna frowned. 

“It just uh,” Link drifted off a little bit, shaking his head. “It was hard...the first time.”

“Okay,” Midna nodded, unable to take how miserable her boyfriend looked. What  _ happened? _ Instead of asking, she pulled Link into a hug and sighed, “It’s okay. So...the kitchen?”

Link immediately perked up, “Midna, I would die for this kitchen.”

“You’ve already died,” Midna reminded him with a grin. “You’ve earned this kitchen.”

“Yeessss!” Link rocked his head back with an excited wiggle. “I can’t  _ wait _ to tell the kids all about it! They’ll  _ love _ dinner here!” 

Midna couldn’t help but laugh at that, following Link’s lead as they discussed offers and closed out of the meeting. Link was on cloud nine when they returned to the palace and he rode his high until the first knock on the door came. 

“Sheilaaa!” Midna greeted, inviting the consistently prompt teenager in. “Where’s Eliza?”

“She had to finish her homework!” Sheila answered with a blush, “But she’ll be over soon!”

“Sounds about right,” Midna grinned, watching the way Link rushed to the entrance to greet her with a warm hug. Despite the fact that he was cooking, Midna watched Link hug at least twenty more kids filtering in and soon the living quarters of the palace was alive with chatter and smiles. Fridays were easily Midna’s favorite day of the week, and not even because it was the last day before the weekend. 

She got to watch her boyfriend completely in his element and at his happiest. It was the best time of her day on the best day of the week! On the other hand, however, Midna was starting to fall into a bad habit of scanning the group for any new faces. Or rather, a new face to the table who had been missing for a year. 

Midna frowned. 

Ever since his little prisonbreak stunt, Lionel had been nowhere to be found. She gave up obvious, active searches after a month. Bahltreese had stopped seeing him at school until the counselors dropped him from the roster altogether. Link still held out hope and kept an open eye, even when Midna was afraid she was better off giving up. Link especially seemed particularly keen on keeping his eyes peeled for Lionel. On multiple occasions he had even made a point to say, “You fed him and showed him kindness. It may take a while, but an easy meal is not something a kid like him is likely to forget. He’ll be back.”

Midna still wasn’t sure  _ what _ Link was alluding to with that. She also wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to come back, but every time she asked Link would shrug and answer, “Whenever he gets desperate enough to test your generosity again.”

Sighing in frustration, Midna  _ still _ didn’t know what would count as desperate enough. She would soon learn though, for when she was pulling desert out of the freezer and prepping ice cream bowls, Link slid into the kitchen with a wide-eyed expression. 

“Okay, play it cool,” Link said in a low voice. “But we have an extra guest.”

“Okay,” Midna shrugged, “I’ll grab them a plate--”

“Wait, Mids,” Link grabbed Midna by the arms to stop her. “Just...trust me on this and  _ promise me _ that you won’t make a scene.”

“Why would I make a scene?” Midna asked, trying to move around Link to greet the newest addition. 

“Midna, I’m serious,” Link warned, his grip around her forearms tightening. “You  _ cannot _ draw attention to the fact that you know him.”

“What?” Midna furrowed her brow in confusion. Side-stepping around Link, she tried and failed to shrug him off as she returned to the dining room with an extra plate and an armful of ice cream tubs. “Aight, who wants chocolate--?”

Midna failed to follow instructions as she stopped dead in her tracks, though few kiddos actually caught onto her surprise. Sinking deep into his chair was that unmistakable red mane and curly horns. Midna had to actively  _ force herself _ to look away from him to actually scoop out ice cream after sliding the plate over to Lionel’s spot. While the others fought for bowls and favorite flavors, Link quietly brought the plates of dinner back over to scoop them onto Lionel’s plate. To Midna’s complete surprise, he said nothing to Lionel as he did so. He just gave Lionel the food and returned to the kitchen to finish packing leftovers. At first, the little boy stared vacantly at his food, and Midna had to force herself to ignore his sunken in cheeks and bony little hands.

What had  _ happened? _

Midna wanted to scream when she returned to the kitchen, but Link immediately shushed her. 

“Don’t say anything,” Link shook his head. 

“But  _ Link!” _ Midna whispered. “He’s skin and bones!” 

“I know, but  _ don’t _ say anything,” Link warned again. “Trust me on this.”

“What if he runs again?” Midna asked. 

“He won’t,” Link insisted, “At least not until morning.”

Midna glanced back out into the dining room where Lionel had upgraded to picking at his plate with a fork, debating whether or not he actually wanted to put the food in his mouth. Everyone around him kept their banter up but seemed to have an unspoken truce to give him his space. They didn’t avoid him, per say, they just didn’t force him to talk or do anything other than what he was actively doing. 

“How do you know?” Midna finally asked with a frown. “How do you know he’ll stay until morning?”

Link shrugged, “He’s finally desperate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr, Twitter, and most of the Zelda fandom: Omg Wild is an uneducated farmboy of all the Links in the world. 
> 
> Me, a dumbass: Wild is the Link whose father was a royal knight so he was forced to have a fancy education and he rejects all of it. You want the uneducated farmboy you gotta look at are mother fucking BOOMER DOG TWILIGHT. SO HA! 
> 
> Also, shoutout to Link who keeps misremembering how to pronounce transgender only to become the proud father of a trans ginger. I wanna feel bad for spoiling that juice but I. Like I said, I already introduced said ginger in my other fic. SO. *jazz hands* TIME TO WRITE LIONEL BEING AN ANGRY SKELETON BABY!


End file.
